#1
Time for me to make a welcome return. It looks like I'll be posting again tomorrow.

If anyone can find the meaning behind this you can have my babies.


I woke up this morning
The rain was coming down
The thunder was rolling
To this town

I walked down the stairs
Into my living room
I notice no one cares
The rocks outside are strewn

The sun tries to escape his blanket of cloud
But this is a blanket it?s never tackled before
The sun tries to scream but we can?t hear a sound
The last time this happened was in the days of yore

I forgot the morning
When the rains fell down
I forgot the day dawning
I forgot my town

October rains in the grey sky
Go to the shops but the stores are all closed
The cold is deadly and there they lie
When October took a hold

It?s getting harder to see
It?s getting darker too
I really must flee
There?s nothing else to do

The afternoon crept up to the morning
The candles flickered in the breeze
All I can see is myself running
Running away from my fears

October came and it took me by surprise
It shook me up and it shook me down
There?s only one thing in this world I despise
Is when someone treats me as if I?m a fucking clown

I want to stay
But I can?t take it anymore
I kneel and pray
But religion is no more

October came and I was unprepared
Praying in the streetlight but no one?s listening to me
The dark is calling and I?m feeling scared
I want to stay so just leave me be

Evening came and I nearly died
I thought for a second that the Earth was gone
I sat still as the voices lied
The dark wants me but October was wrong

November is here now
The clouds move on
I move back to my town
I knew October was wrong
#2
I think the rhyme scheme really hindered the third part, and the sun screaming didn't really work for me. Also, that clown part was a little stupid. The whole thing was littered with rather weak lines such as "I want to stay so just leave me be."

And I can't find the hidden meaning >.<

Nice to see you again Daemon.
There is no place else to go
The theater is closed
#3
I actually believe you have two good sets of lyrics here rather than an overlong ok piece. I read through the little stanzas together and then the bigger stanzas together and they sounded pretty good like that. I know that isn't your intention but it does seem to work out. imo.

Now for the hidden meaning. hmmmm It's either about Spidermans underpants being very hard to wash, or the coming of a new Ice age. Now if I'm right please say that you are female with lovely curves and glowing lips and the face of an angel.

Anyway good to see you bud
All the best Daemonika

and i wouldnt crit my new ones, save your time, i have lost the knack lately. Cheers
#5
Is it about depression as the year flows along? I can't get anything exact from it but that's obviously what you were going for. And like they've said, some parts were a little weak but there were a few lines I liked a lot.

Evening came and I nearly died
I thought for a second that the Earth was gone
I sat still as the voices lied
The dark wants me but October was wrong

I liked that stanza a lot. Over all, 7.5/10.

I'd appreciate very much a crit of my song, "stop me". thanks!
#8
some parts are really weak but others strong overall good could you crit my piece please its called for ever night stand thanks peace
Last edited by manthtscrazy at May 21, 2006,