#1
this is a rough draft, just want some imput


i need to know whats best for me
i need to know where to go
i realize now that your holding me back
you think that without you, ill fall off track

without you is the only way i can continue
without you, there is no looking back
forget you is what ive got to do
cause anymore, you dont even know the real me

ive been thinking alot about this
i know it sounds extreme
but if i dont forget you, i kno ill never be
the way i was, before you came along

without you is the only way i can continue
without you, there is no looking back
forget you is what ive got to do
cause anymore, you dont even know the real me
#2
i can tell its your rough draft...just because of where you stop, i feel like there should be another verse.... also though you dont use as many good describing words as you do in your highschool hearbreak (i thinks that it, the other one you just posted, oh and by the way i think you're only supposed to post one a day, and three a week, just a little fyi)........... and thats just my 2 cents i hope this helps a bit.....
#3
thanks.. and i completely forgot about the whole 1 a day thing, sorry and it does help thanks
#4
Well i read alot of these heartbroken songs and i think they still sound the same in every way. i think you should add speical place (like where poeple meet and places where they spent time together).
I've tried to write a song like this but i've received bad critz.
good luck
#5
i thnk if you keep at this this could be a kool song like add someplaces whereyou spent time with chicks and stuff like that and where things went bad and dude could you crit my piece forever night stand
#6
need to know whats best for me
i need to know where to go
i realize now that your holding me back
you think that without you, ill fall off track


Ok not too bad, maybe drop the I need on 2nd line. where to go, how to know sounds better imo.

without you is the only way i can continue
without you, there is no looking back
forget you is what ive got to do
cause anymore, you dont even know the real me


not sure on last line, seems a bit too long and this effects your flow. apart from that nice.

ive been thinking alot about this
i know it sounds extreme
but if i dont forget you, i kno ill never be
the way i was, before you came along


I like this stanza. it has a good sense of lost and longing.

without you is the only way i can continue
without you, there is no looking back
forget you is what ive got to do
cause anymore, you dont even know the real me


again last line needs sorting.
But pretty good overall. I would make a few changes to what you have so far, and add another stanza.
So well done mate