#1
no car, no license
begging my mom for transportation,
how could I not feel childish?

who's kidding?
waiting for you to finish
washing the dishes you
refuse to let me help with
you are beautiful but
still a Jr. in high school
while I can't get used to college

I don't know though.
something deep inside of me
is pissed off at everything

from the living space
our parents' laughs carry
and make this feel like a playdate

when she calls 'it's time to leave'
I feel like I'm thirteen
your snickering and words
beneath your breathing aren't helping!
and you call that a kiss goodnight?
maybe this will be our first fight

who am I kidding?
love dead like a crushed fly

for those of you who said you'd be interested in hearing my lyrics put to music- I started work on recording an album, if you get in touch with me pm or otherwise I'd be more than happy to fill you in
Last edited by less than that at May 19, 2006,
#2
I agree
love dead like a crushed fly

for those of you who said you'd be interested in hearing my lyrics put to music- I started work on recording an album, if you get in touch with me pm or otherwise I'd be more than happy to fill you in
#3
lol @ punkrockfan666

well, IMO it's not one of the stronger I've seen from you mike (is it mike?)
i like the idea behind the song, but iunno, it feels a bit forced sometimes. i don't like it as much as some of your others. don't get me wrong, s'good, but... not up to your usual standard i feel.
Quote by Kensai
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#4
I know you can write..this is just a rant of sorts. It'd make a pop punk song at best.
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Quote by GOD*OF*ROCK
lol man plz dont take this the wrong way but you really cant rap.
#5
it's not really bad, but i've seen alot better from you.
if it's not a big hassle, could you check out the last one i posted?
it's called "the moon used to sing." please and thanks.
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Green day have to be one of the biggest emo bands in the world (and I still love them). Which do you lot think is there most emo song 'coz me and my friend can't decide lol
#6
it's weird, I read this a few times, and I came to this conclusion. I know exactly where you're going, and what your thinking, but the words to parlay that just aren't there. Let's see, how to explain that better. It's like you had this great idea for a piece, and you had it all mapped out in your head, then you got sidetracked, forgot what you had laid out, then tried to go back and remember. So what came out was a peice that overall isn't very strong, but has parts of pure brilliance:

who's kidding?
waiting for you to finish
washing the dishes you
refuse to let me help with
you are beautiful but
still a Jr. in high school
while I can't get used to college

and parts that are far too bad (well the rhyming part anyhow):

from the living space
our parents' laughs carry
and make this feel like a playdate

what I would do is, put this one aside for now, come back in a few weeks and tighten it up. Beacause in honesty, I really think you could make this one champ. Good luck.
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#7
Quote by Dashboard89
I know you can write..this is just a rant of sorts. It'd make a pop punk song at best.



...Ouch.

There's a difference between writing for therapy and writing for poetry, we can't expect to relate to and enjoy all of both.
Agghh skeet, skeet, crit me, skeet, skeet!