#1
this is a song i wrote a while ago, it's not one of my best, but at least it's something after a long period of having writer's block. it's basically about how much i hate the city i live in. crit for crit


staring at the cellophane sklyine
of my metropolitan hell
where you lose yourself
in the cold machines around you
trade your soul
for numbers on a screen

i've had it with the city
of black hole morals,
whore house innocence
this "city of the sun"
is stuck in pitch dark night

forgot what natural light is
50 watt bulbs
burn out my brain
cold steel trains, like
cold fingers, scarred and marked
rip out the last shred of hope
that is, if i still had it
in
the hunk of ice
i used to call my heart
G-G-G D-E-C C chord
#2
not bad.. needs some work but its a good start and if u could crit either highschool heart break or my untitled, then ud be the man.. thanks bro
#3
it could use some work and all but like pollins said keep it up. and i see u wanna leave ur city if u hate it.