#1
i've wrote several versions to this song and i suck at lyric writing

please say what you really feel about it personally i think they suck

ta!

Lyrics. Ver 1
Verse 1
Maybe, you?re the one that should be blamed
Coz lately, I?m the only one that?s been named
And you know that it?s your entire fault.
Oh yeah.

And I think that you?re the one that should leave this time
Coz you stink when comes to making it right
And it?s not fair, it?s not nice.
Oh no.

Chorus
So just leave now, I never wanna see you again,
Walk out the door and don?t turn around,
Because there?s nothing here for you now
No there?s nothing here for you now
You?re on your own
Yeah you?re on your own

Verse 2
Goodbye for once and for all
Because this time it?s over and ill make it for sure
And you know that im not too blame for you

So long I guess we are done and through
This time you reckoned that I wouldn?t leave you
But you were wrong and I was right
You?re down on the ground and I?ve won this fight

Chorus 2
So you?re gone now, I never wanna see you again,
Walk out that door and don?t turn around
Because there?s nothing here for you anymore
No there?s nothing here for you now
You?re on your own
Yeah you?re on your own.

Don?t worry about a thing
These things just happen
We might get through
But I doubt it

I?m not gonna hate you
It wasn?t your entire fault
Even though I can understand you were mislead
(Understand you were mislead)
Oh no.
Quote by darkstar2466

I love you.


Quote by rabidguitarist

Can I be your adopted parent? I'd love you like a real son.


"Arguing over the internet is like the special olympics. No matter who wins, your both still retards." - A man of many muffins
#2

Lyrics. Ver 1
Verse 1
Maybe, you?re the one that should be blamed
Coz lately, I?m the only one that?s been named
And you know that it?s your entire fault.
Oh yeah.

Wow. I read the first two lines and I understand why your name is what it is. It's a totally oasis verse, but maybe you've taken it to far with the maybe and coz lately- that's a direct copy of live forever, I don't know if it was accidental or not, but I beg you not to use it.

And I think that you?re the one that should leave this time
Coz you stink when comes to making it right
And it?s not fair, it?s not nice.
Oh no.

Coz you stink? A bit immature, surely? And it should be "when it comes to making it right" in the second line. And I swear I recognise it's not fair, it's not nice from somewhere.

Chorus
So just leave now, I never wanna see you again,
Walk out the door and don?t turn around,
Because there?s nothing here for you now
No there?s nothing here for you now
You?re on your own
Yeah you?re on your own

Very oasisy (new word there.). It's very basic, but I suppose it works well enough.

Verse 2
Goodbye for once and for all
Because this time it?s over and ill make it for sure
And you know that im not too blame for you

I would take this bit out. It's not striking, and it seems to just be in there to add some more lines to the song.

So long I guess we are done and through
This time you reckoned that I wouldn?t leave you
But you were wrong and I was right
You?re down on the ground and I?ve won this fight

Again, basic rhyming, simple wording. A cliched verse here.

Chorus 2
So you?re gone now, I never wanna see you again,
Walk out that door and don?t turn around
Because there?s nothing here for you anymore
No there?s nothing here for you now
You?re on your own
Yeah you?re on your own.

A nice, subtle variation on the chorus, but it still lacks a certain edge.

Don?t worry about a thing
These things just happen
We might get through
But I doubt it

I think the repeat of "things" is a bit weak here. Maybe you can go into describing what these "things" are. I also think the flow is ruined here with the last line.

I?m not gonna hate you
It wasn?t your entire fault
Even though I can understand you were mislead
(Understand you were mislead)
Oh no.

An odd ending. I don't know why you end with "oh no".


If this is one of your first attempts at a song, it's not bad. There is a lot of Oasis influence, I can imagine you listening to them as you wrote this.

It just seems like you drifted in your perspective of the song from start to finish. It feels like you lost direction and just started to throw random words in, rather than expand on the idea or tell more of a story. And please, throw out the "you stink" line.

Scores a 6/10 for me. I'd like to see you maybe add your own touch to it, rather than taking one lyrical style (the Gallagher brothers) and basing a whole song on it. Keep going though, It would be great to see more from you.

If you would, please crit one of the songs in my sig. cheers.
Last edited by Jammydude44 at May 20, 2006,
#3
Chorus
So just leave now, I never wanna see you again,
Walk out the door and don?t turn around,
Because there?s nothing here for you now
No there?s nothing here for you now
You?re on your own
Yeah you?re on your own

i think that you should change around the last 4 lines so that they dont repeat like, because theres nothing here for you now, no its all disappeared now.. i think something like that would make thsi that much better

So long I guess we are done and through
This time you reckoned that I wouldn?t leave you
But you were wrong and I was right
You?re down on the ground and I?ve won this fight

i like this part alot minus the word reckoned, it seems out of place
overall i like it and i say 6/10. could u crit one of mine, highschool heartbreak or untitled ? thanks
#4
it was my 1st and youve been a big help and yeah i was listening to oasis at the time xD

although its a tottally different i see what you're saying tho

thx for the help really apprciated
Quote by darkstar2466

I love you.


Quote by rabidguitarist

Can I be your adopted parent? I'd love you like a real son.


"Arguing over the internet is like the special olympics. No matter who wins, your both still retards." - A man of many muffins