#1
i used to walk along the roads
with a melody in my mind.
but now all i find myself doing
is staring up into the sky.
since the loudest roar of the big bang
it's been made up of clouds.
no infinite father watching us
just what humans can make the biggest sounds.

i used to believe i had purpose
now all i am is empty
i used to always feel inspired
but now all of that has left me.
the moon used to sing
but now he's always sad
so he just spills sob stories
and i pretend to care.

this kid told me his life story
and it did nothing but make me laugh.
i mean, what's the point at crying
when all of this happened in the past?
Quote by emomints
Green day have to be one of the biggest emo bands in the world (and I still love them). Which do you lot think is there most emo song 'coz me and my friend can't decide lol
#2
its not bad, needs more tho. the last line in the first verse knid of seems to interupt the flow. im bad at critiqueing but this just seemd lke its missing something to me ?
#3
So far I think it's a 7/10. It definately needs a little doctoring, maybe snip out a couple words here and there, because I'm not feeling the flow. But the idea is clear, and the description is good. All I would really work on is the first stanza, the last two are really good.

Nice job, and I would appreciate it very much if you could crit my song, "stop me". thanks
#4

i used to walk along the roads
with a melody in my mind.
but now all i find myself doing
is staring up into the sky.
since the loudest roar of the big bang
it's been made up of clouds.
no infinite father watching us
just what humans can make the biggest sounds.

Simple rhyming and simple wording is a parallel(sp?) to the fact that the song talks about losing inspiration. However, this is a respectable opening stanza.

i used to believe i had purpose
now all i am is empty
i used to always feel inspired
but now all of that has left me.
the moon used to sing
but now he's always sad
so he just spills sob stories
and i pretend to care.

Now this part sounds emo-ish (no bad thing, and I 'm not picking fights). I think that last line needs a rhyme, to match the first part of the verse.

this kid told me his life story
and it did nothing but make me laugh.
i mean, what's the point at crying
when all of this happened in the past?
A good anecdotal ending. At least you've managed to get your message across here.


6/10 from me. A little tightening up and a hook of somesort in it and it would be better.

If you could, I would appreciate it if you could crit the song in my sig, "Alcoholic on a Gin and Tonic".