#1
Falling Fast

The porch light is shining on your beautiful golden hair
Your eyes playing a silent game of truth or dare
and there's no one else, just me and you
and I don't know, I don't know what to do

Cuz I'm fallin, fallin fast
This was meant to be
I'm fallin...
And I'm taking you with me

Let's have a walk, and sit in the park
We'll initial our names into the bark
and there's no one else, just you and me
Now look closely, tell me if you can see (me)

Fallin, fallin fast
this was meant to be
i'm fallin...
and i'm taking you with me

I didn't see it coming, no it caught me by surprise
but suddenly you're here, right before my eyes
and there's no one else, it's just us
having you is not a want, it's a must

cuz i'm fallin, fallin fast
this was meant to be
I'm fallin...
and I'm taking you with me

-----------------------

I recently wrote these lyrics, and it's the first set I have ever written. All comments are welcome. I want to learn to play and sing it, but I'm not very good at guitar. If anybody would like to help me write some piano or guitar music to go along with it, that would be great. Post here or PM me. You can also try to catch me on AIM @ DimezACL. Thanks.
#2
I fell in love with the chorus, or hook, whatever it is, right when I read it. That is definately my favorite part. But I do think the verses need some work. For now, the last stanza before the end is good, unless you're searchinig for a little more depth. Good luck on rewording and rewriting.

I would appreciate it very much if you could crit my song, "stop me". thanks!
#3

Falling Fast

The porch light is shining on your beautiful golden hair
Your eyes playing a silent game of truth or dare
and there's no one else, just me and you
and I don't know, I don't know what to do

A simple verse. simple rhyming but it's your first, so there's a bit of inexperience there. Nice description on the hair, though.

Cuz I'm fallin, fallin fast
This was meant to be
I'm fallin...
And I'm taking you with me

I think this, as a chorus, is too brief. Here is the part of the song where you really want to drive home your message, and catch the reader/listeners attention. I think you need to realise the message of your song, and make sure you try to connect your ideas to the reader/listener, either via imagery, metaphor, or clever lyrics.

Let's have a walk, and sit in the park
We'll initial our names into the bark
and there's no one else, just you and me
Now look closely, tell me if you can see (me)

I like the first two lines, they work well, and I can't remember eading them here before. The last two lines though, I think could be more different.

Fallin, fallin fast
this was meant to be
i'm fallin...
and i'm taking you with me

See the above.

I didn't see it coming, no it caught me by surprise
but suddenly you're here, right before my eyes
and there's no one else, it's just us
having you is not a want, it's a must

I think this is the strongest part of your song so far. The last two lines are good, and it works well.

cuz i'm fallin, fallin fast
this was meant to be
I'm fallin...
and I'm taking you with me


For a first attempt, it's reasonable. I think it's too brief though- the chorus needs to be a bit deeper, and maybe a variation on a verse or a bridge needs to be included. I think, if you really put your mind too it, you could make this song ten times better with more of a chorus and the odd metephor.

Your opinion on my latest work, the top link of my sig, would be really appreciated.