#1
what do you think about this song?
Any suggestions as to what style of music to make this (Rock etc . . .)?

Sitting on this wall
I?m hoping not to fall
Cause I?m beginning to feel
like I?m going insane
Cause it?s beating in me
But my hearts in a million pieces
I still hold the memories
but lost my sanity

I see the window ledge
And I watch my heart fall

It?ll take more than the
king?s horses and all of his men
To put me together again
There?s only one who can
change me

I?m down on my last knee
I?m begging please
My heart is shattered
like that fairy tale egg
I need you back in my heart
to keep it from falling apart
I don?t want my heart to fall
If you hear me call

I watch my heart fall
shatters when it hits the wall

It?ll take more than the
king?s horses and all of his men
To put me together again
There?s only one who can
change me
Last edited by Bard Morons at May 24, 2006,
#2
This isnt too bad... its clever that its based on a nursery rhyme... youve turned an innocent nursery rhyme into a story of a (broken?) relationship...cleverly & well done...
Quote by Lord_Of_Dance.

I never understood why a girl would take a boner as a bad thing "Oh no, your attracted to me, you sick wanker." :\ x


Quote by Nelsean
Im saying this the straightest way possible, but...

I'd have sexual intercourse with your anus.
#3
origonal
Quote by darkstar2466

I love you.


Quote by rabidguitarist

Can I be your adopted parent? I'd love you like a real son.


"Arguing over the internet is like the special olympics. No matter who wins, your both still retards." - A man of many muffins
#4
did i spell that wrong?:S
Quote by darkstar2466

I love you.


Quote by rabidguitarist

Can I be your adopted parent? I'd love you like a real son.


"Arguing over the internet is like the special olympics. No matter who wins, your both still retards." - A man of many muffins
#5

Sitting on this wall
I?m hoping not to fall
Cause I?m beginning to feel
like I?m going insane
Cause it?s beating in me
But my hearts in a million pieces
I still hold the memories
but lost my sanity

Good opening verse. Maybe the repeat of "but" in the last line could be changed. but is a neat and tidy stanza, and you've done well to take the nursery rhyme and adapt it to your own needs.

I see the window ledge
And I watch my heart fall

A bit cliched- maybe you could just take this bit out, or change it t something more meaningful.

It?ll take more than the
king?s horses and all of his men
To put me together again
There?s only one who can
change me

If the melody works, then the last line works, if not, get rid of it. There seems an odd flow to this part- maybe change the second line to "all the kings horses and men". I think you need to mess around a bit with those last two lines, they seem really out of place to me.

I?m down on my last knee
I?m begging please
My heart is shattered
like that fairy tale egg
I need you back in my heart
to keep it from falling apart
I don?t want my heart to fall
If you hear me

Forced rhyming here- maybe reword it slightly so that there's some structure to it. I like the "fairytale egg" part- good comparisions to the nursery rhyme.

I watch my heart fall
shatters when it hits the wall

It?ll take more than the
king?s horses and all of his men
To put me together again
There?s only one who can
change me

See the above ^^


It's a good piece. Using the analogy of Humpty Dumpty was interesting, and you've pulled it off well. 8/10 from me.

If you could crit back, follow the top link in my sig. Many Thanks.