#1
How is this song?

They say I?m a loser
Couldn?t make it if I tried
I will never break
I?ll never compromise

I never knew how to dance
cool kids never gave me a chance

They laugh at me
Point the finger in my face
Knock me on my back
but I smile all the way

And I don?t care what they say
I?m not part of the games they play
Cause I lost everything
That's why I?m winning

I?m a loser
I never found the cure
for being the kid
who gets straight A?s in school

I lost out on athletics
no common sense, just academics

They put me down
try to make me wear a frown
but it doesn?t bother me
There?s things that they can?t see

And I don?t care what they say
I?m not part of the games they play
Cause I lost everything
That's why I?m winning

I found the one who loves me
Christ who died for me
and it doesn?t matter who I am
he died for me
#2
it flowed well, some rhymes were iffy but they didnt detract from the song.... i love how you made it about a topic everyone knows and sees, but the end came with a surprise that i wasnt expecting... and i like the way it ended, its so true..... good job
#3
Pretty personal undertones. I might change a few of the rhymes though. Maybe towards the end, like the last stanza. But hey, if it works for you then cool. Has a little bit of Smashing Pumpkins feel in the beginning. Feel free to bash mine if you want. Songs that is, they are in the songwriting forum.
Last edited by n-ocentcriminal at May 21, 2006,
#4
I liked it. Like horn82y said, some of the rhyming schemes changed. Like how you went to rhyming the last two lines of every versing to rhyming two lines in a row for the other verses. I think it's fine for a chorus and bridge, but normally you'd keep the same rhyming scheme for the second verse as well. Besides that it was a good song that stayed on topic and flowed well.
#5
thats some of the best contrast I've seen in a very long time, and though i'm not sure if it was completely pre-meditated, it was incredibly striking and could create a very cool effect.