#1
This is my first song:

The Acidic Side of Love

Tired of all those happy memories.
Looking back I found that they were just a disease.
Running away as fast as I can,
Realising that I can't be your man
Was it the blood-stained knife that reminds me of you
Who knows in the long run---

Maybe I do, sitting in the rain as the cars drive by
Loving every minute, contemplating suicide
How does adolescent love make you feel this way?
It's he who gets appreciated, my efforts were in vain.

My life turned upside down, like a slap in the face
Funny how you don't even know, the irony thats comparable to mace
Failing the test that goes on for all of history
It's most certainly like an unsolvable mystery
In two more weeks you'll find my story all over the papers
who can enjoy this---?

Maybe I can, sitting in the rain as the cars drive by
Loving every minute, contemplating suicide
How does adolescent love make you feel this way?
It's he who gets appreciated, my efforts were in vain.

It seems I can't do anything right, making all the wrong moves
At seemingly incorrect times, It's kind of funny from your
(screams)
POINT OF VIEW!
But the love you think you have will erradicate quickly
He is parasitic, wanting one thing, I can assure you that it isn't
ONLY YOU!

Sitting in the rain as the cars drive by
Loving every minute, contemplating suicide
How does adolescent love make you feel this way?
It's he who gets appreciated, my efforts were in vain.
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and heres how you get "innie titties"
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maybe he stuck a vacum up his ass and it pulled his nipples in
#3

The Acidic Side of Love

Nice title.

Tired of all those happy memories.
Looking back I found that they were just a disease.
Running away as fast as I can,
Realising that I can't be your man
Was it the blood-stained knife that reminds me of you
Who knows in the long run---

Okay, alright for the very first verse you ever wrote. The rhymes here seemed a bit forced, and the second line doesn't flow well for me. I like that last line, it leaves the listener/reader wanting more.

Maybe I do, sitting in the rain as the cars drive by
Loving every minute, contemplating suicide
How does adolescent love make you feel this way?
It's he who gets appreciated, my efforts were in vain.

Maybe change the first line to "sitting in as it rains and cars drive by"? Just a recomendation. The paradox in the second line is interesting, I'd like to hear your reasoning for that. The last line is good. Maybe add a metaphor hear, to add depth to your feeling here.

My life turned upside down, like a slap in the face
Funny how you don't even know, the irony thats comparable to mace
Failing the test that goes on for all of history
It's most certainly like an unsolvable mystery
In two more weeks you'll find my story all over the papers
who can enjoy this---?

Again, these rhymes seemed forced- especially history and mystery. It's well written though- good for a first piece.

Maybe I can, sitting in the rain as the cars drive by
Loving every minute, contemplating suicide
How does adolescent love make you feel this way?
It's he who gets appreciated, my efforts were in vain.

See above.

It seems I can't do anything right, making all the wrong moves
At seemingly incorrect times, It's kind of funny from your
(screams)
POINT OF VIEW!
But the love you think you have will erradicate quickly
He is parasitic, wanting one thing, I can assure you that it isn't
ONLY YOU!

I'm not sure about the screaming part. I think it would ruin this piece. It's good you have used some good vocabulary and it sounds good within the piece.

Sitting in the rain as the cars drive by
Loving every minute, contemplating suicide
How does adolescent love make you feel this way?
It's he who gets appreciated, my efforts were in vain.

Maybe you might want to vary the chorus here a bit, just to avoid tedious repitition.


Good first piece. Keep writing, even if you feel you aren't improving- everything you write can be used as inspiration when writing later on.

Could you crit back? Follow the top link in my sig. Cheers.