#1
ok, this piece is unfinished, i would like to add another stanza, and improve the second one a bit, as i dont think it's as strong as the first. any advice would be greatly appreciated =) thanks in advance

Old Sarah Jane

She followed the fashions of the trees, colored like leaves with a bird?s nest perched atop her head. Eerie shapes came from the end of her cigarette, illuminated by the shy glow of the lonely streetlamps. Everything about her was antique, from her thrift shop purse to the ancient dog she led down the road. And as I held her hand, I could feel myself growing old with her.

We shuffled down the deserted street as pine needles scuttled and danced around our feet, keeping rhythm with the singing coyotes. The wind hissed as it shook the trees down by the empty train tracks that intersected the road. She turned to me, and a Cheshire grin spread across her lips. ?That,? she whispered, ?is the sound of a ghost train?
#2
wow is all i can say. There is really not a single part of this piece that i do not like, its really good. I would give a full crit, but i have nothing to critique really. If you could check my piece out, Friendly Encounters With Bears, thatd be cool.
i would rather staple my own hands to a train, than pray on knees that judge and blame.
#4
wow this is wht i think a perfect piece aliked all of it your a killer song writer could crit my piece the reaper and me
#5
very strong and the imagery is AMAZING I don't think i have ever been able to see a piece like I could visualize this one. I'm actually jealous that I didn't write this. A+ from me dude!
10/10

I'm good for a crit if you give me one

Jeremiah The Run-Away
Subtitles Required (When I'm Mute)
Your Perfect Murder (My Suicide)