#1
ok this is my like 2nd atempt to writing a good song i hope its turns out ok if you crit mine ill crit yours cause fair is fair right thanks peace man


verse 1

the reapers here to hold my hand
help me threw the mistaken things
that never mean anything to me
so now in the streets is where we stand
in the chilled cold i will plea
to destroy the happy things
the missunderstood me

his hand is cold
his heart is swollen
i have a new idol who doesnt care
thoughts and emotions were carelessly stolen
he doesnt have to deal with this world
the people that you meet give you ugly stares
he sends them away because they seemed to not care
now i am next in line
let us see if this reaper will have a hollow shrine

chorus

when its dark and your done
making fun of the world
when you see whos right
youll be trapped in a tree
an endless life
read your book as much as you can
cause it doesnt matter
this is who i am

verse 2

long days restless nights
my tongue turns to sand
and my eyes went dry
i have even more of a reason to hate
but with no emotion
im no ordinary guy
wishing that the reaper would come home tonight

i ran into a hero that night
with a frightful face he struck me blind
went about his routes
to me the world a better place
but in other eyes a world of pain
he said be good watch what you say
cause tonights the night we'll reign the world
show everyone how we felt
we made a better place
so tonight il have my joyful twirl

chorus

when its dark and your done
making fun of the world
it wont ever matter
cause weve conquerd this world
alone il stand but thats ok
this is who i am
Last edited by manthtscrazy at May 21, 2006,
#2
the reapers hear to hold my hand
help me threw the mistaken things
that never mean anything to me
so now in the streets is where we stand
in the chilled cold i will plea
to destroy the happy things
the miss understood me


this verse sums up essentiallyh ow bad the spelling and grammar in this piece is.

its mediocre at best, not many metaphors, not my style.
Rewrite it with correct grammar and spelling and people will be more willing to crit.
i would rather staple my own hands to a train, than pray on knees that judge and blame.
#3
It is kind of depressing. I know it was meant to be but it is. Other than that it is actually well written. I just personally don't prefer dark songs. I really wouldn't change any of it. I like it!
#4
I think it needs some work. Not a bad concept just bad rhyming. Nice try, but I think I preferred the last piece I read from you.