#1
Hey baby
I haven't wrote a song in years
Hey baby
Why are you the first idea?
Hey baby
Your name is all I want to hear

So baby, baby tell me how ya doin?
Baby, baby do you love me cause
I wanna be with you when the skies are blue
I wanna be with you when the skies are gray
I wanna be with you when the gates of heaven open up and everyone goes away

So hey baby
I haven't wrote a song in years
Hey baby
Why are you the first idea?
Hey baby
Your name is all I want to hear

So baby tell me if you feel the same way
I love listenin to your heart beat away
So baby take my hand and tell me the truth
Do you love me as much as I love you?

Cause baby I don't know if I could withstand being away from you
My feelings just keep on getting stronger
And I must tell you that I love feeling this way

So hey oh hey baby come to me
Take my hand hunnie
And know that I'll always be here for you...always be here for you

So baby tell me now
If you love me as much as I love you.....


Not the best work, wrote it down in about ten minutes just now. Wondering if someone could crit. it for me. Thanks. A lot of criticism would help as I know it's crap and looking to achieve better things here. Again, thanks.
The times they are a changin'.....
#2
Hey baby
I haven't wrote a song in years
Hey baby
Why are you the first idea?
Hey baby
Your name is all I want to hear

I like this. It's strong, and a pretty original way to go about saying what you said. Only thing I would change is to add "that" to the last line "all that i want to hear"

So baby, baby tell me how ya doin?
Baby, baby do you love me cause
I wanna be with you when the skies are blue
I wanna be with you when the skies are gray
I wanna be with you when the gates of heaven open up and everyone goes away

Hmm .. I like this, except for the last line, maybe it's because I'm not to big on the Heaven idea, but it seems kind of cliche. I'd maybe change it to something like when everybody else turns their backs and walks away. That's just me though.

So hey baby
I haven't wrote a song in years
Hey baby
Why are you the first idea?
Hey baby
Your name is all I want to hear

Same as earlier.

So baby tell me if you feel the same way
I love listenin to your heart beat away
So baby take my hand and tell me the truth
Do you love me as much as I love you?

This is solid, I love that second line, it really stood out.

Cause baby I don't know if I could withstand being away from you
My feelings just keep on getting stronger
And I must tell you that I love feeling this way

I understand where you're coming from. Good line.

So hey oh hey baby come to me
Take my hand hunnie
And know that I'll always be here for you...always be here for you

I like it.

So baby tell me now
If you love me as much as I love you.....

This is kind of cliche, imo. I'd maybe reword it a little, but I like where you're going with it.

All in all, I really liked this song, I'm not sure why it reminds me of Dylan, but it does. I think it's the "baby" part. 7.5/10. Just fix a few minor things here and there.
#3
Yeah. Thanks for the crit. Tomorrow, I gotta write the guitar part. Should be good. Thanks again bro.
The times they are a changin'.....
#5
Don't know if you know this or not, but, back in the day, when people hid their homosexuality, artist would use "baby" in place of "girl" becuase they were actually singing about a guy. Other than that, could be a catchy song.
#6
I might keep that in mind and change it to girl. Thanks. This song seems to be developing well so far.
The times they are a changin'.....
#7

Hey baby
I haven't wrote a song in years
Hey baby
Why are you the first idea?
Hey baby
Your name is all I want to hear

Okay, some sort of biographical start here- if you haven't written a song in years, then this would probably be the kind of piece you'd write. I think the rhyming is a bit basic, maybe even a bit forced. The repeat of hey baby did begin to grate- maybe that cold be your chorus hook?

So baby, baby tell me how ya doin?
Baby, baby do you love me cause
I wanna be with you when the skies are blue
I wanna be with you when the skies are gray
I wanna be with you when the gates of heaven open up and everyone goes away

Okay this is good, but I think you should conecntrate all your "baby"s in a chorus, instead of spreading them out in the song. I like the two lines about the skies, but I think the last line could be changed so it eliminates the repeated "I wanna be with you when".

So hey baby
I haven't wrote a song in years
Hey baby
Why are you the first idea?
Hey baby
Your name is all I want to hear

Read the above.

So baby tell me if you feel the same way
I love listenin to your heart beat away
So baby take my hand and tell me the truth
Do you love me as much as I love you?

A good part. I have to admit though that the word "baby" is beginning to irritate me- maybe some variation on that word would be good.

Cause baby I don't know if I could withstand being away from you
My feelings just keep on getting stronger
And I must tell you that I love feeling this way

Line one's flow is too long- I think you could change it to something like "Cause I don't know if I could stand being without you".

So hey oh hey baby come to me
Take my hand hunnie
And know that I'll always be here for you...always be here for you

I think this piece is fading slightly. It's got a bit choppy, a bit randomised. I think you need to reavaluate what point/message you are trying to get across, and create a structure for the song. The "hey oh hey" makes it seem like you've thought of music for this, which is good.

So baby tell me now
If you love me as much as I love you.....
I think these two lines, rather than being an ending, could be a link from verse to chorus. The added "......" you've put there does suggest there should be more to follow on.


Okay, nice attempt. I thought that maybe you lost your way a bit in it, and I did think that the repeat of baby was just too much.

I would say to you to create a definite chorus, with a hook, and create a more structured piece.

That said, you've got some nice parts to this, and with a little more work, it could end up being a pretty decent set of lyrics. 6/10 for the moment, but I think you could make it into something a lot better.

I'd appreciate it if you could crit the song in my sig, the top link. I haven't yet had a full crit yet on either of my pieces, so, y'know, if you have the time..... ::type
#8
that's really awesome. i got this sorta jazz or blues riff in my mind when reading it. But yeah i'll agree with kpasa01, you should probably change baby to girl.
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#9
I'm still in debate over changing baby to girl as the person I wrote this for is my girlfriend whom I usually refer to as baby. Any more crit. would be appreciated as I will go crit for crit. Thanks.
The times they are a changin'.....
#10
HEY!!!!! My grandparents live in Newhaven CT!!!!! We're Italian too!!!!!!!! I thought that was cool. Anyways... i like the song but i think it would be better to change SOME of the babies to girls. That's just my opinion.
#11
Nice to know I have some paisan on these forums, but thanks for the crit.
The times they are a changin'.....
#13
Quote by Italy's Finest
I'm still in debate over changing baby to girl as the person I wrote this for is my girlfriend whom I usually refer to as baby. Any more crit. would be appreciated as I will go crit for crit. Thanks.


Not saying all the time, but in this instance, I agree with the others. Baby is a little personal, and might detract some of your audience. If you dumb it down just a bit more, and make it girl, then it opens it up to a broader audience ... but yeah, I kinda liked it. I mean, it was simple, which for some reason, I think works well here. I think what I assume is the chorus, the first verse and subsequent repeat, can work awesome. Great stuff for 10 minutes worth.
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#14
You did use the word "baby" a lot, but then again, the song's name is baby. So i guess that makes it ok So you write the guitar before the lyrics? see..i go the other way around... idk if it makes any difference but for some reason that's how i do it.
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#15
I liked it and I agree, it reminded me of Dylan too. I think that the use of the word "baby" is appropriate. It is something that people, especially ppl who have listened to a Dylan record or two, can relate to. But I think that the last two lines need to be paid attention to. Good song though. Not a lot I would change.