#1
Right now

I'm sitting out here in my yard looking at the stars
And all the trees, and all the branches
And sometimes I wonder if it's gonna be like this forever

And I know that somewhere far from here
You're sleeping in another bed that isn't mine
And that's alright
You do it all the time

And I try
Not to let my mind wander to far away from me
But everytime I close my eyes
I find it walking all the streets you've been down
And everywhere you've been
And everywhere you go
That's where I wanna be
I wanna be with you

Right now
Right now

For now, I just smoke my cigarette
And sing a song for you
Hoping it's not through
You know, it never really started

Right now
Right now

And I try
Not to let my mind wander to far away from me
But everytime I close my eyes
I find it walking all the streets you've been down
And everywhere you've been
And everywhere you go
That's where I wanna be
I wanna be with you

Right now

Crit for a crit.
#2
This is definitley some good work man.

I liked the opening:
I'm sitting out here in my yard looking at the stars
And all the trees, and all the branches
And sometimes I wonder if it's gonna be like this forever

and

For now, I just smoke my cigarette
And sing a song for you
Hoping it's not through
You know, it never really started

that part the best. It's a good song, you could probably add a little more to it and make it better. Have you come up with the guitar for it yet?
The times they are a changin'.....
#3
Nope, but I'm going to do that in a few minutes actually. I may record it soon, if I do, I'll post the link on here. Thanks for the crit by the way.
#4
Quote by X Alkaline 3
Right now

I'm sitting out here in my yard looking at the stars
And all the trees, and all the branches
And sometimes I wonder if it's gonna be like this forever


-this is good, so many people can relate to it plus you don't know if the song is a love song or a break up song until further along. very serene imagery

And I know that somewhere far from here
You're sleeping in another bed that isn't mine
And that's alright
You do it all the time


-Also great, still leaves you wondering if its a love song or not.

And I try
Not to let my mind wander to far away from me
But everytime I close my eyes
I find it walking all the streets you've been down
And everywhere you've been
And everywhere you go
That's where I wanna be
I wanna be with you


-GOD I LOVE THIS SONG SO FAR! it so easy to relate to.

Right now
Right now

For now, I just smoke my cigarette
And sing a song for you
Hoping it's not through
You know, it never really started


-here ya go this is where you start to find out what the songs about

Right now
Right now

And I try
Not to let my mind wander to far away from me
But everytime I close my eyes
I find it walking all the streets you've been down
And everywhere you've been
And everywhere you go
That's where I wanna be
I wanna be with you

Right now

Crit for a crit.


-BEAUTIFUL. I LOVE THIS SONG. 10/10 FOR ME!

https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=361020-Subtitles Required (When I'm Mute)--crit for me please!
#6
It's pretty good. Great opening verses. I also thought the end suffered because the opening was so moving. Instead of progressing, it sort of digressed; climaxed to early, haha. But seriously, not bad. I also liked the simple chorus. It related well to most of the song and it had a nice balance. Crit mine or bash it if you want.
#7
Well I'm not really much for emo songs, but I gotta say this better than your average one. I agree with Italy's Finest:
For now, I just smoke my cigarette
And sing a song for you
Hoping it's not through
You know, it never really started


That's my favorite part...it really flows. But the last line:
And I try
Not to let my mind wander to far away from me
But everytime I close my eyes
I find it walking all the streets you've been down
And everywhere you've been
And everywhere you go
That's where I wanna be
I wanna be with you


that's kind of a weak line to go out on.

Overall I give it a 7/10 (but that's also biased because I hate emo music lol).