#1
Another day passes
As I begin to cry ashes
I can see your face, now and again
But only flashes
And I relive that day, now and again
As your car crashes

And I ask myself
As I stair at your picture on my shelf
If you haden't left me so soon
Would we be lying here again
Stairing out at the moon

As I walk by
A part of my heart dies
And my soul is on fire for you
As my days get fewwwwwwer

And I ask myself
As I stair at your picture on my shelf
If you haden't left me so soon
Would we be lying here again
Stairing out at the moon

If only
I could have another day with you
I would say goodbye, and if i only knew
That you weren't gonna be here right now
I would've taken the time to say, just how
Your eyes they were sparkilin bright, sparklin bright
And your smile, what an amazing site
But what I miss most every night is your heart as my light


Thats all i got so far. What do you think?
#2
That's really awesome. I didn't like the first verse (I'm just assuming that's a verse) the rhyming seemed kinda forced. Remember songs/poems don't always have to rhyme. But other than that it's awesome! Keep 'em comin'.
Quote by darkstar2466
Who is responsible for bring back a thread from Two Thousand motherfucking Six?

*holds a paddle in hand, ready for whacking*
#5
Another day passes
As I begin to cry ashes
I can see your face, now and again
But only flashes
And I relive that day, now and again
As your car crashes
I was interested by the beginning of this song, because it sets an immediate tragic theme even though it doesn't really leave much room for preparation. The crying ashes part doesn't seem to have much use except to rhyme with flashes (which I liked, but I can't think of what would fit and still rhyme with flashes). However the part I didn't like was "as your car crashes" because that immediately detracts from the mystery of the song and leaves little to the imagination.

I also enjoyed the repetition of those two verses, because they were written and ended well.

The last verse was alright but I had a problem with the "and your smile, what an amazing sight" because that seems very out of place, even though it does make the reader feel like it is a reminiscence of the person in question.

Overall, good song if a little forced and lacking some flow. There is some potential in it, though.