#1
Let it take me as far as it can
Drop me off on the road as planned
I don't mind, your deed is unkind
But a train is waiting for me

It's got no steel cars and no rusty tracks
Plenty of cracks for those mother's backs
I can only see, my history
But a train is waiting for me

My arms bruised
My legs dead tired
All of my catch phrasing
No longer desired

I've got one last chance
Compose some more sin
What filters out
please punch back in

Now come please take me
Madness no longer fuels

What others require
I will only refuse

Sayyyy goodbye
Sayyyy goodbye
Sayyyy goodbye, to this loathesome sky
Last edited by n-ocentcriminal at May 22, 2006,
#2
My arms bruised
My legs dead tired
All of my catch phrasing
No longer desired

This is one of my favourite peices of work that ive read here! I enjoyed it lottts.
Im not sure that i understand the title of the song...
I can imagine this to music, what kind of genre were you going for? i can imagine either punk or acoustic for some reason.
9and a bit out of 10 from me!!
Crit mine? the link is in my sig xx
Quote by calvinthecanadi
I'm now an official Franzaholic.


Meep is a word.
Use it.
#3
I did critique yours. But thanks for my critique. I won't explain the whole song, but the title represents this sort of ignorant attitude that grows within dumb ****ing rednecks. I live in a bad area and a hefty majority is filled with them. Very ****ing judgemental of anything different from themselves. But I am moving in a week, so it's a lot better.
#4
aaah i see.
Well have fun moving =)
keep it up xx
Quote by calvinthecanadi
I'm now an official Franzaholic.


Meep is a word.
Use it.
#8
Let it take me as far as it can
Drop me off on the road as planned
I don't mind, your deed is unkind
But a train is waiting for me

Nice opening. Kind of grungey.

It's got no steel cars and no rusty tracks
Plenty of cracks for those mother's backs
I can only see, my history
But a train is waiting for me

Niceness. I love the second line especially.

My arms bruised
My legs dead tired
All of my catch phrasing
No longer desired

I love that second line once again.

I've got one last chance
Compose some more sin
What filters out
please punch back in

Sin has been used so many times, that I just hate to see it in a song, nowadays. Other than that, this is good.

Now come please take me
Madness no longer fuels

What others require
I will only refuse

Goes very nicely with the rest.

Sayyyy goodbye
Sayyyy goodbye
Sayyyy goodbye, to this loathesome sky

I'd maybe add on a couple of other things to say goodbye to before the last line.

All in all, pretty good. Just add a little to it. 8/10
#12
I've got one last chance
Compose some more sin


this is my favorite part of the song, its really catchy. the song seemed perfectly well in order. sounded great. some of the best stuff I've read in a while.
Quote by JackWhiteIsButts
I saw Pantera live once, Dime changed into a body bag right there on stage.


#13
I like it. Gives me the vibe that you're going somewhere and there's no regret in leaving. Good song. The first and second verse are great. Flows nicely. I'd like to see more work from you. My new poem/song is "From Distanced to Redemption" Feel free to crit if you like. Good work.
#15
I like this piece, it's simple but not overpowering and it gets it's point across with out being rude and in your face. great piece.

crit for a crit? http://ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=364771
http://ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=364739