#1
well, this is the first song i've put up. i'm fair happy with, don't know about you

So you thought you could run,
From being undone,
And buy the sun,
Did no-one tell you?

There is no price,
For the cost of a life,
But they try for a slice,
And they told you

But all you thought was your own,
Is rented as our loan,
And you?re six months over due,
So it?s time we took in our revenue

No-one may weep at the reaper?s reap,
Although they try as hard as they can,
Your youthful antics that you tried to cheat,
Well it?s time you learnt where you stand


critics welcome
#2
But all you thought was your own,
Is rented as our loan,


You have a few really cleverly written lines in here. Such as the one above =)
However, the song as a whole...i dont know..it seems as if there is something missing.
I suppose hearing it to music might help.
Anyways, i like it...its a 7/10 from me.
Id appreciate if youd crit mine...the link is in my signatiture
xx
Quote by calvinthecanadi
I'm now an official Franzaholic.


Meep is a word.
Use it.
#3
yeah, the music does help. an i'll get right on to your stuff!