#1
"Goddamn aren't you some sweetie pie,"
Says the PR Agent, blowing smoke into the carnevorous gape
that you left open for their mechanical spiders.
"You shave or wax?"
Vulgarity wrapped in cellofoam.
Perversion covered in honey glaze.
Putrid actions dismissed as a government grant.
"It's art!"
It's deception.
"How long can you hold your breathe, sweetie?"
Ugh, she's gotta be at least 14.
She smells like it.
She wiggles like it.
She gels in that manner.

We've found a way to recycle your dead children.
Put their names up on fucking marquees covered
in honey and crispy crusty flakes.
We can get them their 9 Emmy Nominations.
Except replace the Emmy with Hardcore fuck
action to the max.
Shooting wide open.
9/10ths.
Re-cutting innocence theft.
"My cliteris is a man-eater and he hungers for more!"
Start with the Megatrons and work your way to the Nano's.
Devour the dumpsters and shit out
sunshine dust.
You're a man eater-upper, baby
and you've got a landing strip we could park
a space cruiser on.
Poor advice.
#2
I really like this one Randy a lot, the most out of any ive ever read from you. Its very interesting and a lot of the times i dont get your work because it seems but could be only to me sparodic and i cant follow the picture but this is very good and interesting. The use of the vulgar type language and bluntness adds a lot to the piece because it seems to portray the fact that its natural and they never really think twice. Anyways, very good and if your returning can you crit either opium theater or orbital design in my sig

-Mike

BTW: #1 Synth says he loves it as well and your awesome or something like that (he got banned from the elim. thread.) so yes.
#3
I can't say it is bad, it is really good. But the only thing I can say about your writing, is that there isn't that much that differentiation between each song (except for maybe the dance song).
#4
I really really liked this one. I think the second stanza is a lot stronger than the first, i dunno, it just seemed a lot more natural and the words sounded more easily put together. Not syaing the first stanza sounds forced, but just that the 2nd sounds even less so.

One thing though, in the first stanza, where you say "how long can you..." it's "breath" not "breathe"

but yeah I really like this. The last 3 liens of the whole piece are especially awesome IMO.
Quote by Kensai
Maybe you've heard what the ladies say: "Once you go 77mm you don't go back"
#5
One of my favourite writers on here, if not favourite.

You keep intrest so well throughout all your work

You keep it witty

You keep it original

All the things I love.
#6
Wow, I wasn't expecting a lot of positive crits on this one.

To Dorkus: I understand wholeheartedly and to be honest, it's what I aim for. I write about what I hate and hardly ever about what I love, so the bluntness, vulgairty and similarity between other pieces is always intentional.

I really only write about three subjects: people who try to sell me stuff i dont want, people who hit new lows in an attempt to get things, and sex.

This one......is sex.
Poor advice.