#1
Glam Rock ballad I wrote. What do you think?


Tommy was a good boy growing up at home
Played with all the girls, unlike the other guys
Never saw a problem with acting like a chick
Only different thing he saw hung right between his thighs
But as he got older the other guys did too
And Tommy for his feelings was oft chastised
Cause while the men chased all the ladies
Love for men Tommy was forced to disguise.

Soon enough our Tommy left his two-bit town
Hitchhiked across the country, off to study art
Met a man called Sandy somewhere along the way
Fell in love at once, and from his side did not depart
Out on dates all day, making love all through the night
For months they spent not a single day apart
But Sandy ran away with a girl down the street
Leaving Tommy with nothing but a broken velvet heart

CHORUS: Soft as summer wind
But dark as a starless night
Velvet heart, beat on
Day in and day out
Living with pained memories
Tommy waits alone?
A sensitive man
Betrayed by his only love
Nowhere left to go

Without his companion Tom wasted away
Got run out of town just cause he was gay
So drifting alone Tommy?s grief turned to rage
Working between towns, our boy earned no wage
Stole someone?s gun and went looking for Sandy
His only friends were the road and his brandy
Hitched a ride on some peddler?s cart
Iron and ice hardened round his velvet heart

CHORUS

He wandered for a year, all across the west
Pistol at his waist and a dark void in his chest
Spent a night in Reno, and came across his mark
Followed Sandy to his motel under the cloak of dark
Checked his gun, snuck in the back door
Broke his way into room four
Tommy found Sandy, and as he slept
He murmured one name, tossed, turned, wept

That soft summer wind
That dark, cold, and starless night
The velvet heart gone
Tommy heard his name
In that voice he knew so well
They were both alone
Forever in love
Sandy?s heart brimmed with regret
?
But Tommy?s heart had grown too cold?
You know the bitter comes out better on a stolen guitar
You're the BLESSED, we're the Spiders from Mars!

Member 3 of the "Mick Ronson Is an extremely Awesome Guitar Player" Fanclub. PM ThePurpleRabbit to join.
#2
He wandered for a year, all across the west
Pistol at his waist and a dark void in his chest

hehe! I think this is totally great!!!!!! honestly. I love it!
As well as being abit funny, clever, witty and a good (but sad for tommy) story...
LOVE IT MAN.
10/10 from me
can you crit mine? the link is in my sig.
xx
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I'm now an official Franzaholic.


Meep is a word.
Use it.
#3
10/10? I'm honored.

I'm glad you thought it was witty and kinda ironically funny, that was really kind of the point. kinda dark humour, kind of a Warren Zevon vibe was kinda what I was going for... but it turned out more Lou Reed. Walk On The Wild Side, anyone?
You know the bitter comes out better on a stolen guitar
You're the BLESSED, we're the Spiders from Mars!

Member 3 of the "Mick Ronson Is an extremely Awesome Guitar Player" Fanclub. PM ThePurpleRabbit to join.