#1
it has a lot of meaning to me and anyone really.
oh yeah need a new title cos that sucks ass, lemme know if you've any suggestions.
as always leave me a link and i'll repay any crits =]


elements together.

I am a father, lifted from the
Drowning ages of shallow waters.
I am a mother, fallen from the
Eternal locks of fire.
And they reach higher.
But my son is that of the
Earth, and the world.
And my daughter flies with air:
Her grace astounds me.
Quote by Kensai
Maybe you've heard what the ladies say: "Once you go 77mm you don't go back"
#2
I quite like it, it sounds quite deep. What genre are you planning on though, because I can't imagine a rythm.
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#3
it's probably not going to end up with music, but if it did it'd be some alternative acoustic stufff.

thanks for your comment
Quote by Kensai
Maybe you've heard what the ladies say: "Once you go 77mm you don't go back"
#4
Uhm i liekd it it was short and sweet. my kind of thing now a days. Uhm as for a title, maybe something using family. or implying family. I mean i dunno Family Ties, but that is really cheesey so i dunno.
Can you see in the dark? Can you see the look on your face?
#5
Quote by jallas


thanks for your comment


Any time. I expect it'll sound good if done with an acoustic. Maybe spoken word with an acoustic background - That should sound quite good. Do you mind critting my band songs and solo work? https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?p=5664379#post5664379
Back and sexier than ever

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n00baid member - PM draken to join
#6
Hello.

I think this is great, but I'll try to point something out.

I reckon those full stops are unnecessary. A few semi colons instead might help it run a tiny bit smoother plus increase the whole theme of togetherness.

It's up to you, but otherwise I wouldn't have anything to comment on. Really nice.
#7
I'd call it:

I Am My Mother, Her Husband And His Son

Or


This Used To Be Open For Discussion

Or

Father, bang,bang

Or

Generation Guess

or

Relation Ship


if you use them, put me in the main thread!
#8
the main thread?

thanks very much guys: Jajp I'll get to yours later tonight
Quote by Kensai
Maybe you've heard what the ladies say: "Once you go 77mm you don't go back"
#9
pretty good but the last line doesn't fit.
"Pictures in a box at home
Yellowing and green with mold
So I can barely see your face
Wonder how that color taste"
#10
I really think it's pretty, good work. Gosh I havent been on this site in ages.
I've got the taste of lies creaping at the roof of my mouth, should I spit them out and blame it on being sick?
Or should I swollow the past and forget about what I have done.