#1
something I just wrote while listening to Guns n Roses and Nirvana both at the same time. maybe thats why it sounds like a bit of nirvana lyrically and musically sounds like guns n roses.

verse:
The legacy will never set sail
Illiteracy will always prevail
I will hold a grudge, I won't avenge you

No words left, I've spoken my mind
Give me a chance and I'll show you new rhyme
I'll never give a reason for my attitude

chorus:
would you give me a chance so that I can finally breathe
would you hold it against me if I said I wanted to leave
Give me a reason why I can't run away
Illiteracy will prevail either way
Quote by JackWhiteIsButts
I saw Pantera live once, Dime changed into a body bag right there on stage.


#2
Boy you've really pissed off Kurt Cobain, lol jk. Everything seems in order except the last two lines, do you think you could think of something else that doesn't have "way" in it? Other than that, sounds good. Crit or bash mine if you want to. They are in the forum.
#3
Not bad. I like it when people use this rhyming scheme, rhyming every third line. Good topic and catchy. A bit short...but yeah, you'll have that. Not every song can be an epic story. Feel free to crit mine, "From Distanced to Redemption."
#4
i like it however i'm not sure i see Nirvana in here very much. I like where you went with this and it's a very good piece. 9/10 from me.

Jeremiah The Run-Away
Subtitles Required (When I'm Mute)

Your Perfect Murder (My Suicide)
#5
thanks everyone for the crits, hopefully I can get this song finished in the future
Quote by JackWhiteIsButts
I saw Pantera live once, Dime changed into a body bag right there on stage.


#6
what exactly does illiteracy have to do with any of this?
Quote by HendrixEdge
My work will never be to the majority's tastes; and to be honest; I've no problem in accepting that.


If the doors of perception were cleansed, every thing would appear to man as it is, infinite.
#7
I don't know, maybe its because the song really has no meaning, I really don't know. its just something my hand wrote on paper.
Quote by JackWhiteIsButts
I saw Pantera live once, Dime changed into a body bag right there on stage.