#1
-This song is basically the autobiography of me and my ex. Whenever he's single he calls me and when someone else shows intrest in him he drops me like a bad habit so I turned it into a song. Crit for a Crit as usually.

This is the working title, if you suggestions for a better one, let me know!

Jeremiah The Run-Away

Jeremiah start your engine
It's time to runaway
You fell to fast, to quick with me
You fell for her the same
So Jeremiah start your engine
It's time to runaway

You've got two quarters in your pocket
A number in your hand
Your engine is running idle
You think I'll understand

Jeremiah save your breath
It's time you runaway
You think I'll want to listen
But I don't care what you have to say
So Jeremiah save your breath
It's time to runaway

I know your story like an open book
I've been there twice before
You'll tell me that you miss me
That your sorry for what you said
You'll ask if there is a chance in hell
To be with with me again
Your so predictable that way

Jeremiah save yourself
It's time you runaway
You think you've grown into a man
Puberty lied to you
Sp Jeremiah save yourself
It's time to runaway

Next time you call me don't be scared
If I don't answer when it rings
I know this movie I've seen it before
You want to run to me with open arms
But I'm done standing still and waiting
So I'm going to take a lesson from you
Watch me as I start my engine
And begin to runaway
#3
i was down with the repition of the runaway parts....and at the end i like how you do the same thing...i liked reading this...but i suck at critting...so i wont....
I guess you gotta write about politics to not be emo
#4
thx for the crit on mine first off

umm yeah i liked this, mostly because i hate guys/girls that are like that, i think for the most part it smoothed a long nicely. same with zug thug i didn't really like how the runaway parts kept on coming, but depending on how you sing it i think that it could work. Yeah for the most part though i thought it was a good catchy song. I especially like the ending where u turn it around and sorta get back at him.

good job, thats my crit

I also read your other two songs and i have too say i liked them both
The when im mute song is for sure the stronger of the two and i really liked that one
The my suicide one was also good but stuck on the cutting bleeding and razorblade theme too much, almost started making me feel kinda sick but good job on it anyways.
Im surely gonna check out what you write next.
Last edited by Trudenter at May 24, 2006,
#5
I kind of liked this. the car/engine parts were good but other than that it was like everything else ive ever read. i did, however, like the puberty line.
overall i'd give it a 7/10, sorry i couldnt be more help
#6
Well i dont know you at all. But i think you can do a whole lot better than him ,and i think you realise that already, whick makes you kick ass =P
That dude sux man.
Right off, the song is fantastic, the engine part and running away is a great metaphor =P
I think youve done really well here but im not sure i can imagine it to music...
Any particular style you were going for?
8/10 from me =)
Can you crit mine for me? the link is in my sig.
xxx
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#7
nice song, it all fits really well together, aint got any suggestions, it doesn't need them
#8
Great sounding song. I actually liked how the chorus differed slightly each time, yet still sounds the same. I think the only problem would be some lines don't fit very well, but all together it's a nice work
#9
I thought it was quite good and i like the way it makes you imagine that you are in the car getting ready to escape. (There is a spelling mistake in line 3 though - It should say too where it says to.)
#10
Kewl song dude. I liked your use of analogies going on. It'd be make a good song for anybody goin thru the same. Keep writing.
#11
Cheers 4 u'r crit, this piece was, i gotta say pretty good. I like the metaphor the song portrays, thumbs up