#1
This song was written about 2 years ago and posted on UG when it was written, I haven't changed it since then but I wanted to see peoples reactions now.

Ode To No One In Particular

Bridge:
All I want is to be color blind so that everything isnt what it seems
But when I wake I realize my eyes are the same shade of green
I drop to my knees and start to cry, all that happiness was just a dream
Oh what a fool sight can play me for

Chorus:
Life would be so simple if emotions were black or white
That way I wouldnt have the urge to hate you
And make love to you at the same time
I can feel myself falling for you with every look you take
My shirt is soaked in your blood
What a beautiful form of agony you put me in

I still remember when we first met
We couldnt seem to take our gaze off each other
And I remember your eyes
They were the bitter shade of misery
Given knives your sight could have killed me
But I still breathe reluctantly

Bridge:
All I want is to be color blind so that everything isnt what it seems
But when I wake my lips are the same shade of pink
I drop to my knees and start to cry, all that happiness was just a dream
Oh what a fool speech can play me for

Chorus:
Life would be so simple if emotions were black or white
That way I wouldnt have the urge to hate you
And make love to you at the same time
I can feel myself falling for you with every remark you make
My lips burn with acidic blood
What a beautiful form of agony you put me in

I still remember when we first met
We talked until the sun kissed the sky again
I remember your lips
They spewed candy coated lies
Given poison your tongue could have killed me
But I still indulge innocently


Bridge:
All I want is to be color blind so that everything isnt what it seems
But when I wake my skin is the same shade of peach
I drop to my knees and start to cry, all that happiness was just a dream
Oh what a fool touch can play me for

Chorus:
Life would be so simple if emotions were black or white
That way I wouldnt have the urge to hate you
And make love to you at the same time
I can feel myself falling for you every time you touch me
My flesh stings with your open wounds
What a beautiful form of agony you put me in

I remember when we first met
We held onto each other like it was the end
I remember the feel of your fingertips
So rough they stung like a burning flame
Given razors your hands could have killed me
But still I grip on willingly

Like a forbidden drug you reeled me in
Begged me to become addicted to you
Now that I am Im afraid Ive become immune
You dont tempt me anymore

-If you enjoy this song I have 3 more songs on here and would be grateful for any feedback. I'm good for a crit if you give me one

Jeremiah The Run-Away
Subtitles Required (When I'm Mute)

Your Perfect Murder (My Suicide)
Last edited by chloroformkisme at May 24, 2006,
#2
the first bridge i thought was the best hardcore...and the alst line with drugs i liked...because i like drugs
I guess you gotta write about politics to not be emo
#3
For having a Weezer avatar, I believe you should have taken over the songwriting duties for them. But enough of the hatred. I think this piece is pretty remarkable. You have everything laid out beautifully. I hate writing for the bridge and yet you have it all. Seems like this would be an awesome song. Damn, you're the second person's thread in a row, and I am really thinking about quiting and just get high all day, jk. This is good dude.
#4
once again i totally love this!!! that was a really long song but i likes the way you change little bits like 'But when I wake my skin is the same shade of peach', you changed that part everytime. id give this about a 9/10... i like your descriptive words through this
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Quote by Nelsean
Im saying this the straightest way possible, but...

I'd have sexual intercourse with your anus.
#5
I can't tell you how muchi I love this. I think it's brilliant, everything about it's great can't believe I missed this one! I would have critiqued it much earlier- thank god you critted my piece!

It's brilliant, the bridge is excellent, the verses are strong and the chorus is well varied.

I can't really fault this 10/10 from me, one of the most enjoyable works I've read on here.
#6
10/10

F*** me. I think il give up songwriting now. Thats how good it is. I could cry.Wow.Im over-emotional.
Anyways.Your song kicks serious ass.And if anybody says otherwise, slap em in the face.
And say "talk some sense son!!"
Yeah...i see no point in me posting my crap up here after reading this amazingness.
Il shut up now.
Keep it up =p
xxx
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I'm now an official Franzaholic.


Meep is a word.
Use it.
#7
i'm glad you liked my piece, thanks =)

the imagery in this piece is really solid. i like how you refer to different senses, but the message stays the same throughout. it really lays out how agonizing love, or falling out of love, can be. my favourite part of the whole piece is "Life would be so simple if emotions were black or white/ That way I wouldnt have the urge to hate you/And make love to you at the same time" because i think it's one that everyone can relate to. it also echo's the bridge parts, and gives the piece a nice consistant feel to it, without being overly repetitive.
a really tight piece of writing, my friend. i would love to hear this one performed!