#2
Let me guess, you're the lead, right?

I do that sometimes too, I get so excited about a solo or a riff I wrote that I write out a whole song to include it in, but the other instruments always end up playing something relatively mundane.
That's probably not the case if you're not the lead though.

Anyway, I'm assuming since you have names for the tracks, that you have a band you'll want to play this in. My advice is to show it to your other band members and listen to their input. You rhythm guitarist might want to play something a little more than one note every 5 bars. Because right now it just sounds like a two-minute solo.
Maybe even have the rhythm play those riffs (like the intro) that the lead plays. He's not playing anything then anyway.

But that's just my input. And I probably won't be writing any hit songs any time soon.
#3
well that sucks...............i guess the riff is kinda okay, but the drums and lead just seems kinda awkward.
one should not feel threatened by opinions contrary to his own
#4
Nope im not a lead lol. I left the other guitarists parts out because i wanted to get there imput. Its a deadly rough sort of thing, the solo lol i just put all sorts of notes in that in 16s, pissing about more than anything else.