#1
Thanks to anyone who read this, hope you like it, any advice welcome,


As I stood on top of silver steel scenery,
Arms open wide like a scarecrow stands.
Winds blowing hard turning tears that left me,
Across my face, which defied the last drop.

One step back, my life would be older.
For a while I would be that no one again.
I could suck it all in, turn the tides in my way.
Go with the flow, and see where it ends.

So which way to turn
Is the question I?m asking.
For where can I share This Peace in my mind.

I sat on the edge my legs kicking slowly;
Like a child in the sky daring to test,
The waters below, but below is a long way.
I?d dive right on in but the bubbles bare death

One step forward my life would be over.
For a while at least I would fly like a stone.
Gathering speed like the demons inside me,
Whose words that I heard held me up here.

So which way to turn,
Is the question I?m asking.
For where can I share This Peace in my mind.

I raised myself and offered the question,
To myself, the wind and the demons inside.
Would we break our fall if we littered the pathway,
With all those who shared This Peace in their minds.

Well let hope grow,
Was the life giving answer.
So let?s just take it
One step at a time.

So let?s just take it
One step at a time.
Last edited by Glenn James at May 24, 2006,
#2
Quite nice; it reminds me a lot of one you did not long ago. I'm sure I asked you to write in a more-involved manner when I critiqued that one, and I think you have, 'cause this catches the reader's eye a lot more easily.
Although on a similar theme, some of the images and stuff stick in the mind, and it's quite a nice message after all, one a lot can relate to.

A decent, gentle read Glenn. Well done.
#3
It's pretty decent, but I don't think it really explains the actual situation that is happening. In other words, it gets the point across, but is vague.
#4
Yeh thanks. I did take in your advice, as lately my pieces have been way too simple and basic to reach out, even though to me I am happy with plain and simple. But as you say the audience needs something to grasp onto.

Thanks mate.

And thanks Bard morons, For your view, I will take some time to look again through this and try to improve any part I can,
Cheers mate.
Last edited by Glenn James at May 24, 2006,