#1
i wrote this a while ago, and i think its alright, asked some friends what they thought, but friends always make it seem better than it actually is, so i thought id get sum unbiased opinons

V1
I find myself all alone
Time after time
Trying to come up with a way
To put my thoughts down in rhyme

V2
This loneliness is something
That no one should ever feel
Why you ever left me
You never would reveal

Chorus
Won?t you please come home?
I just can?t bear to be alone
If you won?t come home
At least call me on the phone
Can you please come home?
I?m scared of the unknown
Won?t you please come home?

V3
I don?t think you?ll be able
To understand how it hurt
I should have seen it
In the way you talk, the way you flirt

V4
But all of this I will forgive
Cos you don?t know
What you mean to me
My love can only grow

Chorus

V5
I?ll never be able
To forget that fateful day
It seems just like the week before
When you left to find your way

V6
From that moment on
I didn?t wanna be alive
I think I might end it soon
Feel no need to survive

Chorus/Outro
#3
I though it was pretty damn good. everything fits, i think.
it has good melody. 9/10
crit mine?(sig)
#4
i know its simple, but i think that sometimes the simple songs work the best, it didnt stop the beatles did it
#5
for some reason this song didn't really do it for me. It's simple which isn't always a bad thing but I think the simplisty in the rhymes is what killed it for me. Maybe it sound different when put to song but for just reading the lyrics i wasn't thrilled (but i wasn't discusted) i'm kinda neutral on this song. 7/10 sorry.

crit for a crit?
#6
im not bothered, at least im gettin people actually tellin me the truth rather than sugar coating everything
#7
I didn't really like the chorus, it got the title across well but the bits where it goes:

I just can?t bear to be alone
At least call me on the phone
I?m scared of the unknown

I didnt really like these lined but overall it was decent - 7/10
#8
shall i get rid of the lines in between, or change it to something else?
#10
thanks, ill see what i can come up with when i have a bit more time, jus one more thing rhymed or not?
#12
It was well structured and i like the simplisity but its rather a cliche with some of the rhymes. It's good tho.