#1
A broken bottle,
The sunlight shines like pitch black night.
Leave your dignity on the bathroom floor,
Your smile disappeared with the wind and the tides.

Let my light contrast your dark,
I?ll be your best hello,
Your worst goodbye,
Tonight we fight,
Tonight your light
Won?t be enough.

Let the lies leave your body,
Hit my body like a target.
Swarm across the bed,
Paint the walls a vivid red.

Tonight my contrast will be your conscience.
Keep you from the peaks.
Keep you up against the ropes,
Your freedom will be your demise.

Say when,
I?m waiting for your command.
You need me like the ocean needs tides,
Like the clouds need the wind.

I am whole, and you are hollow.
And if ever You come near, I will hold up high a mirror.
Lord, I could never show you anything as beautiful as You.
Last edited by fenderfreak101 at May 24, 2006,
#3
I liked it up until the "ocean need tides" line. i dont think it was as strong as some of the other lines and it let the piece down. overall good job, i'd give it 8/10
#4
"Tonight my contrast will be your conscience."
That lines a keeper man

Same with the last line "I am whole, and you are hollow."
Great way to end your piece.

I kind of like how the song goes full circle, how at the start you mention the tide and wind have dissapeared, and how this person that the song is directed towards is in dire need of these things, ie in dire need of you.

Not a catchy peice, but deff well done and interesting, good stuff!
#5
Quote by Keegs22
"Tonight my contrast will be your conscience."
That lines a keeper man

Same with the last line "I am whole, and you are hollow."
Great way to end your piece.

I kind of like how the song goes full circle, how at the start you mention the tide and wind have dissapeared, and how this person that the song is directed towards is in dire need of these things, ie in dire need of you.

Not a catchy peice, but deff well done and interesting, good stuff!


Thank you, i appreciate it.
And if ever You come near, I will hold up high a mirror.
Lord, I could never show you anything as beautiful as You.
#6
Very good. I like it. 9/10
When I heard smoking would kill me, I bought shares in Dunhill and Marlboro - Thomas Geraghty

If we don't change it, nothing will fucking change.