#1
This songs inspired by a pair of my friends. Their being so ridiculous. I cant directly criticize their absurdity. So I wrote a song about it. Its played with acoustic, Muted powerchords at some parts on an electric. The whole songs already put together. Our band just needs to record it in a week or so.

Intro.

It was such an odd night.
Grey Skies turned white.
She called me on the Phone.
Told me she felt so alone.

It was
Quite the total change of heart.
Boy didnt she make me feel smart.
From the click of the receiver I knew I couldnt believe her.
It was such a total change of heart.

My oh my only 15 years
Is it too much to ask.
Girl hit the breaks
Times flying far to fast

Guitar solo.

If only
If only
Thirty and loney
If only
If only
Thirty and lonely
What a
real
fine
way to start
What a
real
fine
way to start

It seems like ages
Since ive flipped through these pages
your silly phrases
seem so damn far away.

If only
If only
Thirty and lonely
if only
if only
Thirty and lonely.
what a
real
fine
way to start
What a
real
fine
way to start.
Wasn't it such a total change of heart?

Ive already got all the back ground music worked out, Next weekend Ill repost a recording of the song with any changes being made.
Quote by boardsofcanada
^^

<_<
~Bass'-play-er.

The #1 member of the club that isn't terribly predjudiced against emo. Get over yourselves.
PM me, or just say # x
And part of Fortysix and twos Defenders of Emo club.

" Zach_F I love you for that."
#2
good I Like It But I Could crit better if i knew what you meant by it being insprired by your friends. it sounds like a thirty year old woman liking you, but i know im way off
#3
Sounds really good. I like the way you've phrased everything. I picture it being a slow and heavy song, but it would be an awesome speed metal song. But I guess I'll have to wait a week. It's really good and it flows together nicely.
#4
Hmm...interesting concept. I would take it was if the girl you were talking to left when you were 15 and you're looking back on it when you're 30 years old. That's what I'm getting from it. I really like the "It was a total change of heart" line. Just ticks. But like I do with every crit, you can't ever tell everything just from the words when it's written for a song. Because a lot of times the music can make or break a song. If you feel like it you can crit my poem/song "From Distanced to Redemption." Keep writing and it'd be nice to hear what this sounds like. Sounds catchy and has a pop feel to it when i read it.
#6
Thanks.

I meant to make it sort of ambiguous, I wanted to see what situations it'd bring out.

Actually. The real story is right here.
I'd been going out with my girlfriend for about 4 month's. We got on well, never argued, Enjoyed spending time with each other. But one night she says to me, We should get married. My face was something to the extent of O_O. Im 15 right now. Obviously I thought she was crazy, so I just appeased her and said sure.
Now after breaking up, I hear her talking this way with a friend. I thought he would think the same, but it turns out he's lost his mind. He broke up with his girlfriend of the past three years for this crazy promise.

"Didn't she make me feel smart" Is referring to me thinking I had her figured out, and apparently being wrong.

The "click of the receiver" line is what I was thinking as I hung up the phone.

"My oh my 15 years" is how long it'd be till im thirty, the age she proposed the crazy marriage thing.

"Time flying by too fast" was me picturing being thirty and still with her, and not liking what I was seeing.

"What a real fine way to start" Is because it was my first serious relationship in highschool, and according to her, my only ever.

The age's and Pages lines are about the book of photos I have, some of her, Silly phrases being her strange way of talking. Im from the Northeast and she's a country girl. So our language was totally different.

If only, If only is an allusion to The poem trig function was talking about. We both love it, and Im 90% certain its from "To Kill a Mocking Bird".

Its more of a pop song. Its in G, Played on an acoustic. All major chords and at the end there's a really fast Shuffle where all the chords switch into 7 chords. Im obsessing over this song right now though, Ive gone through it atleast a dozen times by myself today.
Thanks for the reviews!
Quote by boardsofcanada
^^

<_<
~Bass'-play-er.

The #1 member of the club that isn't terribly predjudiced against emo. Get over yourselves.
PM me, or just say # x
And part of Fortysix and twos Defenders of Emo club.

" Zach_F I love you for that."
#7
Interesting to say the least for some reason I reading it all i thought about was someone wishing they were 30 and lonely. eh just me. I won't say more because I don't know what it sounds like but a good start. let me know when there is music and i'll give a full crit then. in the mean time...check me out below.