#1
i need help finishing this song
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you made me love for the very first time
unleashed the fealings that i had inside
and no one has ever done that before lets play a little game its called who loves who more


i will go to the ends of the earth
just to see your smile (slight delay) i would even hurt
the people i hold dearist to me
because i need you shayla cant you see
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please i really want to make this song good
Last edited by thror13 at May 25, 2006,
#2
thanks for reposting it...

so as to the song it's cliche, but i don't think you really care about that.

i don't think the * thing is necessary, nor is actually saying "guitar" because it doesn't matter when just reading the lyrics. not too fond of this next part

i would even hurt the people i hold dearist to me

it's kinda weird...

what specifically do you want help on?
Quote by HendrixEdge
My work will never be to the majority's tastes; and to be honest; I've no problem in accepting that.


If the doors of perception were cleansed, every thing would appear to man as it is, infinite.
#3
well i agree "i would even hurt the people i hold dearist to me"
is wierd so i just need help making the wierd stuff better
#4
well my advice would be

don't talk about hurting things you love in a love song. most people don't want to think of mutilation in love songs...

try to say what you feel in an original way. it's harder in love songs, but it will sound better. also the person you're singing it to would like it better since it doesn't sound like you just stole someone elses song. it makes it more personal

in this forum, the most helpful people would be more inclined to read and critique a song with correct spelling and capitalization.

these were more general tips than anything regarding this particular song, but i'll reread it a few more times nd see if i can help
Quote by HendrixEdge
My work will never be to the majority's tastes; and to be honest; I've no problem in accepting that.


If the doors of perception were cleansed, every thing would appear to man as it is, infinite.
#5
ok thanks.. ya i am glad i posted it on here i dont want her to think i just stole a song.. you helped a lot i am ganna go re write
#6
I actually like that line "I would even hurt those I hold dearest to me" Guess that's just me though. The rest will just come. I don't think you'll really need too much help. I've had some songs that took me several months to write. Heck, I have one song that's still incomplete and I've been working on it for 3 years. I just want it to be perfect and not force lyrics (which is easy to do, don't fall into that trap while writing a song.) So look for inspiration around you. And when a line pops into your head, just write it down. Later on another verse might come to you, it's all about getting the flow right. You're on the right track, so just keep workin on it.