#1
I wrote a song with a friend of mine, tell me what you think

"Red skies turn blue"

this felling up inside
i moved on long ago
i'm not trying to fill this void
cause it will never die

just try to understand me
i won't live the same everyday
you need to know a lot about
the freedom that i want

pleas don't hate me for this
cause you know that i won't care
as long as i'm alone and feel
that life is more than this

this was my last chance to try again
but i don't think it'll work out anymore
#2
Ok good but the 3rd line "Please dont hate me for this cause you know i wont care......"
the first..... "Please dont hate me for this ".....makes you sound you care. so...... but thats the only thing i see thats off so i say good.
#3
Quote by xxZeroxx
Ok good but the 3rd line "Please dont hate me for this cause you know i wont care......"
the first..... "Please dont hate me for this ".....makes you sound you care. so...... but thats the only thing i see thats off so i say good.



haha you're right, i'll change that
#5
ok, here we go with the full crit:

this felling up inside
i moved on long ago
i'm not trying to fill this void
cause it will never die

A good, interesting way to start off the song. Keeps me interested and want to read on. I like and agree with the idea you're saying there, also.

just try to understand me
i won't live the same everyday
you need to know a lot about
the freedom that i want

Alright, good verse, although nothing too special in it to make it stand alone. I would attach it to one of the other verses you have here.

pleas don't hate me for this
cause you know that i won't care
as long as i'm alone and feel
that life is more than this

Okay, but in the last line, what is life more than? You don't really explain too much what "this" is.

this was my last chance to try again
but i don't think it'll work out anymore

Alright I like how it seems like the relationship kind of changes from beginning to end. In the beginning, you won't let go and want to give it another shot, but at the end you realize it won't work. I think this would be better if maybe you wrote another stanza or two in there describing a little bit more of the story, just to help the reader understand a little better the situation. Aside from that, a promising looking piece. I give it a 7/10. Good luck and keep writing. If you would like to return a crit for a crit, here is my newest work: https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=365543
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#7
I like it!I wish i could this.lol
"VANDALISM: Beautiful As A Rock In A Cop's Face."
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