#1
so I write you this letter
my name's scrawled in ink
could've written it better
but here's what I think

and you said I don't care
but I'm begging to differ
that opposite's true
and for once you're the liar

you're saying these things, you think you might mean
but before you speak
just do this for me
ask yourself who, who was it who listened?
watched as you tried?
and watched as you missed it?

maybe you're not a liar
but you're definitely wrong
not used to that one?
you've waited too long

speaking of things you don't know about
you didn't ask me
but people are talking
and I think something's up
and you're not gonna like it

you're saying these things, you think you might mean
but before you speak
just do this for me
ask yourself who, who was it who listened?
watched as you tried?
and watched as you missed it?
"there is a man...
playing a violin...
and the strings...
are the veins in his own arm."
Last edited by not_enough at May 26, 2006,
#2
so I write you this letter
my name's scrawled in ink
could've written it better
but here's what I think


Very nice opening. Flows well.

and you said I don't care
but I'm begging to differ
that opposite's true
and for once you're the liar


This one not so much. Especially the liar part. Just doesn't really click.

you're saying these things, you think you might mean
but before you speak
just do this for me
ask yourself who, who was it who listened?
watched as you tried?
and watched as you missed it?
stayed up real late when u wanted to talk?
then stuck around after although he was shocked
?

This is great chorus. I especially like the "ask yourself who, who was it who listened, watch as you tried, and watch as you missed it." Very catchy. I like it.

maybe not liar
but you're definitely wrong
not used to that one?
you've waited too long


I like the you've waited too long. Just my suggestion. Possibly put not a liar or "maybe you're not a liar" to help it flow better.

speaking of things you don't know about
you didn't ask me
but people are talking
and I think something's up
and you're not gonna like it


Again...not the best verse. Could work well with the music, but without a tune it's hard to tell. But by just reading it, it doesn't sound like it'd work. Again...just my truthful opinion.

you're saying these things, you think you might mean
but before you speak
just do this for me
ask yourself who, who was it who listened?
watched as you tried?
and watched as you missed it?
stayed up real late when u wanted to talk?
then stuck around after although he was shocked?
#3
i really like this.

so I write you this letter
my name's scrawled in ink
could've written it better
but here's what I think

very well written, excellent start. you did a good job. the only thing i'd change is i think it flows a bit better if you ended with "and watched as you missed it?" instead of "then stuck around after although he was shocked?"


9.5/10
Quote by Stop Messin'
Emo is an image, Hair Metal was a life style.
#4
i liked the piece, although i think it'd sound better if you were consistent with the rhyming scheme...

and one more thing, can't you think of a better title than that? i know it's not original, it's from a perfect circle's 3 libras... that makes your piece a little uncool.

good luck.
#5
well i don't care for this at all to be blunt. The rhymes aren't consistant making the flow very hard to undertand. some verses are longer than others, consiterablely long which also adds to the confusing flow. It could use some work. try harder buddy. 3/10
#6
so I write you this letter
my name's scrawled in ink
could've written it better
but here's what I think


I liiiiiiiiiiiike that bit =D
Well in all honesty i thought the song was good. Really good. But nothing totally amazing that il remember once im offf this damn computer =/
il give it a 7/10
Because i like it.
Keep it up.
Crit mine?
Link is in my sig.
xxxx
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I'm now an official Franzaholic.


Meep is a word.
Use it.