#1
Just wrote this moments ago. crit for a crit.


when I feel so sedated
I feel desinagrated
hold back all your fears
cause your about to walk a trail of tears

It feels so good to feel again
It feels so good to breathe again
Think I'll just fade
no one will miss me anyway
it feels so good to live again

When I feel so exhuasted
I feel like I am held hostage
open your eyes to your reflection
notice the human left, is only but a fraction

It feels so good to feel again
It feels so good to breathe again
Think I'll just fade
no one will miss me anyway
it feels so good to live again

It feels so good to feel again
It feels so good to breathe again
Think I'll just fade
no one will miss me anyway
it feels so good to live again
Quote by JackWhiteIsButts
I saw Pantera live once, Dime changed into a body bag right there on stage.


#2
I really like the chorus and the rhymes work well. This is my favorite line in this piecie- When I feel so exhuasted
I feel like I am held hostage


The opening verse doesn't seem to fit the rest of the song, but it's a really good opening. It just seems like it's part of another piece, but decent.

Again, I like your work, keep writing.
#3
I really like the chorus. I like how you used "again" all but in one sentence. Really good rhyme scheme. I got a good idea about what you were trying to accomplish here. I don't see a lot of flaw in your piece. Except maybe the in the first verse. I would try to change it a little, but overall good job. What sort of melody did you have in mind?
#4
its a drop d peice, but its not one of those hardcore rocking out songs, its deffinately a tricky song to explain, but its got a rock/blues feel to it. when i wrote the music to it, i felt like the music itself was more mezmerizing than the lyrics.
Quote by JackWhiteIsButts
I saw Pantera live once, Dime changed into a body bag right there on stage.


#6
Anyone else?
Quote by JackWhiteIsButts
I saw Pantera live once, Dime changed into a body bag right there on stage.