#1
Ok name might not mean alot to you people but it's an inside joke, "delta in the sciences" means triangles which signify change... incase you were wondering...

Delta Delta time (a mix of 5 - 13, 18 - 1, and you and me)

Two more gig of inspiration
And yet the futures where it?s from
And a message with a single thought
But I wish I?d got it wrong
It?s simpler to misread you
And feel like this and just forget
Repress the feelings and believe my lies
Let the memories all rot

There are people out there, more than one
And I?m saying no because I want you
I want more and yet I don?t want anything
I?d rather forget you than start again on a dead thing

Because you?re breathing down my neck
And have clearly changed your mind
But when once I used to care to death
Now I just can?t find the time
I want perfection and you?re not it
But I used to think, ?Maybe? Close??
I want the one thing you?ve got on me
And right now it?s all I?ve got to lose

?All I can say, you shouldn?t say?
I?ll quote what you say you hated
Just to prove that there?s nothing more to me
Because if I?m nothing but my music
Then that?s all I want to be

Because I?m happily involved
In a symphony of screams
And a multitude of marching bands
Walking down the streets
Playing songs I wrote for you
But screaming out the words
And turning the love that I once felt
Into hate, deception and hurt

And the key is always changing
Signified by delta in the sciences
The word that I won?t say again
The word that rules my lies
My backups turning fulltime
But it?s a change that I don?t want
When the mainstay says, ?I?m leaving?
I?m going to think of what I?ve got
Need Singing Advice?; Read the first page then ask questions.

Quote by punkman_123
Damn Auals, you're messed up. :P


Quote by ZanasCross
This just reminded me of the time that my brother in law texted his mom on the night after his wedding. All it said was "Consummated."
#2
Woah. That was pretty beautiful, in my opinion anyway. Really well written, I especially liked:

Because I?m happily involved
In a symphony of screams
And a multitude of marching bands
Walking down the streets
Playing songs I wrote for you
But screaming out the words
And turning the love that I once felt
Into hate, deception and hurt


Overall, great song.
Quote by Mascot
yuR a fAggit
#3
Yeah that's a really good song, really makes you think, good work. Please crit my new song Cassandra (Blackened Flames)
#4
Very nicely done, there's not too much to say apart from that TBH, I really enjoyed reading this. If the music is matching the lyrics I should think this will be a lovely acoustic number. One change I would say would be change rot to set, imo it keeps with the rhyme and maintains the meaning

There are people out there, more than one
And I?m saying no because I want you


A powerful couplet.
I could list a lot more, but no point I guess.

Nicely done Mate
All the best Auals

Oh (if you like soccer, good luck with Brazil)https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=365867
Last edited by Glenn James at May 26, 2006,
#5
hey auals,
personally i noticed quite a few lines that had either a few two many syllables or the last word threw off the flow

There are people out there, more than one
And I?m saying no because I want you

i didnt like the addition to the first line here, it felt ackward especially with the comma

And feel like this and just forget
Repress the feelings and believe my lies

didnt like this part either for some reason i thin adding the "ands" and combining the two in the first line is throwing stuff off

other then that I actually enjoyed the ending it was quite nice
#6
There were a few lines that I didn't like. Just sounded awkward. The one that ended in "hurt" towards the end, the "there are people out there, more than one" sounded clunky. Other than that, a really beautiful song. The last two stanzas just pounded it home almost perfectly. I think some revision is in order to really get clear on what you're saying, but you don't need to do too much work. Great stuff.

Rock On
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#7
Thanks guys, and the last two are my favourite as well, you guys rule, if it wasn't for people like you then i'd still be writing stuff like i did when i started. thanks alot...
Need Singing Advice?; Read the first page then ask questions.

Quote by punkman_123
Damn Auals, you're messed up. :P


Quote by ZanasCross
This just reminded me of the time that my brother in law texted his mom on the night after his wedding. All it said was "Consummated."