#1
crit 4 critzz
this is roughly recorded at http://ally.dmusic.com

Summer.
We've been counting down the days for summer to begin
Holding in the hesitations, running out the door.
but it's been pretty hard to focus with the season so near
Anticipation all around,
This is what the week before is all about

And I'll be trading in my study guide for a part time job
I'll be hanging out on Wednesday nights and never end up home on time
I'll be calling every venue, ask if I can play a show
It'll be the life I want forever. I hope it never ends.

Bowling alley lock-ins, we'll miss Christmas in July
For the first time ever, I'm heading off to band camp
One thing I know for sure, this summer will fly by
We'll be missing each day here soon enough,

but not much longer...

And I'll be trading in my study guide for a part time job
I'll be hanging out on Wednesday nights and never end up home on time
I'll be calling every venue, ask if I can play a show
It'll be the life I want forever. I hope it never ends

It's hard to believe that summer's great feeling in within reach
And I'll be eating fresh watermelon by the pool
Not too mention sleeping in and waking up at ten
five more days

And I'll be...
trading in my study guide for a part time job
I'll be hanging out on Wednesday nights and never end up home on time
I'll be calling every venue, ask if I can play a show
It'll be the life I want forever. I hope it never ends
BUY SOME PHOTOS..Click here, and then click 'store'

Quote by GOD*OF*ROCK
lol man plz dont take this the wrong way but you really cant rap.
#2
^^erm from the link you gave, can you download the songs? if so how? cos streaming is annoying!
Conformity is a son of a bastard sin!!
#3
I think you've put across your enthusiasm very well here, but the piece definitely lack any real depth. I think the chorus could be cut out once, probably the middle one. I'd suggest considering a rhyme scheme for this one, because it might help the tone of happiness. I'd really think about changing 'I hope it never ends'.

This wasn't bad, but I can't say it's one of my favourites. Keep at it.
#4
I really dig this tune, it's got an old school punk feel to me with the lyrics so I'm not crazy about the way you have it arranged, not sure if it works like that. Just seems a little left of center I guess. Lyrically though, I really like it. The chorus is very good, and the verses are excellently portraying your excitement. Overall it's pretty good, like I said the only thing I'm not 100% on is that arrangement. For what that's worth.
#5
I'll be hanging out on Wednesday nights and never end up home on time
I'll be calling every venue, ask if I can play a show

schouldnt the second line be either "asking if i" or "to ask if i"

hehe and TEN is definately NOT late :P for me anyways though i did wake up at 10 today quite an accomplishment wouldnt you say? anyways personally i didnt really like hte way you put the idea together, though it seems any lyrics ive ever tried to write for a song, are really rather bland as well, its much harder to do. Anyways thats my critique on the lyrics and im headed off to hear the recording.
#6
Quote by Dashboard89
crit 4 critzz
this is roughly recorded at http://ally.dmusic.com

Summer.
We've been counting down the days for summer to begin
Holding in the hesitations, running out the door.
but it's been pretty hard to focus with the season so near
Anticipation all around,
This is what the week before is all about

I quite liked this, the first line kind of reminds me of the Dylan Thomas title 'Boys Of Summer' although that may not have been intended. This stanza just seemed to lack a lot of depth, it sort of came off as slightly superficial. I didn't like the last line at all, the simple language didn't really do it any justice and also didn't add to the anticipation. I'm not sure how you'd change it for the better, possibly alliteration to speed the line up?

And I'll be trading in my study guide for a part time job
I'll be hanging out on Wednesday nights and never end up home on time
I'll be calling every venue, ask if I can play a show
It'll be the life I want forever. I hope it never ends.

I really liked the first line of this, was a very true thing for I think a lot of people. (Especially me this year as i've just finished college.) The second line was pretty good but I think it should read 'and never ending up home on time' it just seems to fit better, at least in my opinion. I also agree with TrigFunction on the next line it should be 'asking'. The last bit of the last line seems to be superflous, the 'I want forever' seems to dictate that you hope it never ends.

Bowling alley lock-ins, we'll miss Christmas in July
For the first time ever, I'm heading off to band camp
One thing I know for sure, this summer will fly by
We'll be missing each day here soon enough,

I liked this quite a bit. The only thing that I would suggest is linking the second and third line, the 'fly by' could just be utilised by possibly saying something like 'jetting off to band camp'. It just seems to be able to do a lot more than just be used in that one line

but not much longer...

And I'll be trading in my study guide for a part time job
I'll be hanging out on Wednesday nights and never end up home on time
I'll be calling every venue, ask if I can play a show
It'll be the life I want forever. I hope it never ends

It's hard to believe that summer's great feeling in within reach
And I'll be eating fresh watermelon by the pool
Not too mention sleeping in and waking up at ten
five more days

I'm assuming that you meant to put 'is within reach'? I didn't like the second line, it just didn't seem to flow at all, seemed fragmented if anything. Also it should be 'to' not 'too'. Besides that not too much to comment on here.

And I'll be...
trading in my study guide for a part time job
I'll be hanging out on Wednesday nights and never end up home on time
I'll be calling every venue, ask if I can play a show
It'll be the life I want forever. I hope it never ends


I did quite like this, would sound better as a song (I do apologise I haven't had a chance to listen to it on your site yet). Besides the things I highlighted it was a good piece and with some revision could be even better. If you have the time could you check out mine? As We Sat, My Friends And I
All-O-Gistics:

Thou shalt always go for greatness
Thou shalt not commit adulthood (ALL)
Thou shalt not partake of decaf (ALL!)
Thou shalt not have no idea (ALL)
Thou shalt not allow anything to deter you in your quest for all (ALL!)
#7
Quote by Liam
^^erm from the link you gave, can you download the songs? if so how? cos streaming is annoying!



I'm assuming you have dial up..

yes, it can be downloaded.
BUY SOME PHOTOS..Click here, and then click 'store'

Quote by GOD*OF*ROCK
lol man plz dont take this the wrong way but you really cant rap.
#8
I think I've returned everyones comments, so put in a good word with the rest of S+L that dashy does return the crits.
BUY SOME PHOTOS..Click here, and then click 'store'

Quote by GOD*OF*ROCK
lol man plz dont take this the wrong way but you really cant rap.
#9
I like this song. And yeah, I can definitely see some Ramones within this piece. I love that. At first glance this is something really simple to read. And in my opinion, most readers take this as somewhat inviting. Really catchy and poppy. I could see this song as something that you could get stuck in your head. Just limit the air time on the radio okay.
#10
for the comment!

I commented yours back.
BUY SOME PHOTOS..Click here, and then click 'store'

Quote by GOD*OF*ROCK
lol man plz dont take this the wrong way but you really cant rap.