#1
ok, i'm writing this song but i don't know if its going the right way

Everything I wanted
the past took it away
my direction has changed
and now you're on my way


this boredom has to end
let's be together and always be free

(chorus)
I got nothing to say
you heard always the same
want to take you away
and this time we'll try our best

We're only running in circles
but we have to break the cycle
nothing really matters
if you're not by my side
I got no reason to live
Last edited by FrancoSelf at May 26, 2006,
#3
i think you had caps lock on. i would crit but it hurts my eyes
Quote by HendrixEdge
My work will never be to the majority's tastes; and to be honest; I've no problem in accepting that.


If the doors of perception were cleansed, every thing would appear to man as it is, infinite.
#5
what you should work on is diction and rhyming because the song is a little simple. nothing is said in a new way and the rhyming is pretty basic. try rhyming words that don't rhyme perfectly like least/ease or something.

but this song is by no means horrible, you just need to keep writing and you'll improve
Quote by HendrixEdge
My work will never be to the majority's tastes; and to be honest; I've no problem in accepting that.


If the doors of perception were cleansed, every thing would appear to man as it is, infinite.
#6
I liked everything except for the first verse. But the rest was pretty good. It definitely had a clear message and I liked the concept. Maybe try and brush it up a bit.