#1
Pieces of memories cold and blue
Somewhere between the tried and true
We share not one but two destinies
It's all that we'll ever need

Chastize the lapses in our minds
And the dreamers'll think that it's a sign
Both of us are slaves to our own thoughts
Don't try to regain whats been lost
Set it free

And theres no other place
Where we'd rather be
And theres no hope
For those like you and me
Too late - maybe
We're always chasing dreams
That just can't
Be reached

Reach out and feel the fear surround
Everything we've ever felt unbound
Don't try to justify the pain
In bloom

And there's another place
Where I'd like to go
A place where I
Can see my own
Reflection in the night
Dignified and pointless
(bridge)
To display your ghosts of old
I don't know how it unfolds
I don't know where we would go
Released from our souls

Pouring on rain comes crashing down
Haunting the corners of the town
Hide and seek the glass will shatter hearts
In the park

(Repeat Chorus #1)

Time's up did you fill the page?
Or did you leave it blank as when you came?
(end)

Hey its my first post so take it easy on the blamming
#2
I really like that, aint got any suggestions, i love the way yoube worded all your ideas, good job
Founder of Jaco society

[22:08:23] <Confusius> I wish I was a bassist
[22:08:26] <Confusius> you fuckers look cool


Want to know how to play bass in jazz? Read this.
#3
In a musical world overcrowded with whiny emo, pointlessly profane nu-metal cliches, and meaningless blabber written down for the sake of rhyming, this piece is a much needed breath of fresh air. It displays aspects of poetry and imagery not seen much today, and for that I must tip my hat to you. Very, very, very good piece.

10/10
#5
I think this is impressive. I don't know if this is in fact your first attempt at writing in general, or just on here, but it certainly has some good bits.

The only things I'll point out is the rhyming - I think it definitely brought the piece down overall because it made it feel too forced. Also, I don't think the ending two lines are particularly great. Not bad, but they didn't seem to do justice to the rest of the piece.

Keep on posting.