#1
Played in 4/4 time, C-D-Em-G chord progression with a capo on the 4th fret (first C comes in on "late", first D comes in on "dark"...you get the idea)


It was late and cold and raining on a dark December night
When Joelisa knocked three times upon my door
With a baggage in her left hand, and a knife clinched in her right
I could tell her life was not like once before

And she's not a little crazy, and she's not a little loose
She's just made a few mistakes in her past
Now her house is up for auction and her car is on the lot
And she wonders how her life could fall so fast

And she walks the streets at night
Constellations as her guide
Will she ever realize she's beautiful?

She never wears her seatbelt and she rolls the windows down
Says she likes to feel the wind blow on her face
Then she climbs up in the sunroof, throws her hands up in the air
Like she's running in a marathon first place

And the voices in her head are telling her to pull the trigger
But right now she's not afraid to face the night
But I can feel her hands trembling, I can see her helpless eyes
I just pray to God she won't give up the fight

And she never paints her nails
Wears her hair in ponytails
She finds it so hard to believe she's beautiful


It was dark and cold and lonesome, I knew something wasn't right
As I crept into the room in which she slept
Then I saw her fragile body, it was lying on the bed
With a red rose and a note laid on her chest

And the voices in her head convinced her to pull the trigger
I guess she was too afraid to face the night
Now her hands no longer tremble and her eyes no longer cry
And I knew that she had given up the fight

And she never said goodbye
She just wanted to touch the sky
Maybe now she'll realize she's beautiful
Last edited by Powerhouse at May 27, 2006,
#2
9/10. Good storytelling.
"She never wears her seatbelt and she rolls the windows down"
I liked this part.
Its almost like a Johnny Cash song. Is that him on your avatar?
#3
Yup. I'm from Tennessee, so I'm kind of required to like Johnny Cash.

I actually got the idea for this song from "Round Here" by The Counting Crows.
#4
****in loved it.

I really didn't think I would, but it really was very singer songwriter esque.

I'm gonna record it and post a link, although I'm not too sure on the chords.

But you're my new favourite new writer.

EDIT:

Can I use it for the recording comp?

And you're born the day before me, so it must be meant right.
Last edited by thepickups at May 26, 2006,
#5
Well thanks alot.

Yes, you can use it for the recording comp. I would record it myself if I had the equipment. If you're confused about any of the chords, just listen to "Round Here" as I mentioned earlier, and put a capo on the fourth fret (of course, that's optional. That's just how I play it...) because the chords are very similar in the verse.


As for the chorus, it's like...


And she (Cadd9) never paints her (G) nails
Wears her (Cadd9) hair in pony-(D)-tails


Same rhythm as Fuel's "Bad Day" (And she swears there's nothing wrong...)

..or Train's "Meet Virginia" (And she wants to be the queen)
Last edited by Powerhouse at May 26, 2006,
#6
wow, i'm highly impressed. HIGHLY impressed. really, really good. wow. i don't even know what to say, seriously... sounds like something i'd write if i had talent. :p really, really good......
#7
i love that counting crows song alot.
it inspired alot of my writing too.
the end of the song for some reason lets me down because it ends in a tragic way.
the crows' song ends in more of a cliffhanger way and i think that would be the best way to end it.
good luck with this one, i loved it.
#8
I could see where the inspiration from the Counting Crow's comes into play. Awesome writing. It fully explains every detail and gives a thought out ending. I loved this. This is a great piece of work. Please crit mine, "Sperm in the Pasta" one.
#10
Not bad at all, but you played it in a different time signiture than I wrote it in. Your's is in 3/4 (or 6/8, I can't tell the difference), and mine's in 4/4 (actually, the song works both ways, so I really don't care. I might even try it and re-write it in that time). Also, you played the G before the Em, which still works because it's in the same key, but I wrote it as C, D, Em, G.
#12
Not bad at all, but you played it in a different time signiture than I wrote it in. Your's is in 3/4 (or 6/8, I can't tell the difference), and mine's in 4/4 (actually, the song works both ways, so I really don't care. I might even try it and re-write it in that time). Also, you played the G before the Em, which still works because it's in the same key, but I wrote it as C, D, Em, G.


Yeh I don't even know what I played it in. I'm a proper amature.

And yeh, changed the chords around. I was going to have an Am in there, but didn't. Wasn't too pleased with the G though.