#1
It get's a little unclear here and there but I'm still working on it. Don't really like to write political lyrics but this kind of reminds me of one And english is not my mother tongue so don't make fun of me if somethings wrong and don't makes sense

Future

V:
Desperate laughter, mystery after
Your fake smile, leave it for a while
Meaningless injustice, respect just is
A word, in this big world

B:
Standing on the edge
Acting depressed

C:
Enourmous
The view from here, is very clear
Horizion
Far way, further than yesterday

V2:
Fill out a form, where your from
Look out the window, fearful future widow
Citizen of peace, infected with a disease
Catch your train, next stop: pain

B:
Standing on the edge
Acting depressed

C:
Future
Is this what you wanted?
Future
Your future looks bright
Bright as the sky
In the sky
Heaven
#3
Okay I'll give you something, but please don't double post, or expect comments to be posted straight away. Critique others and leave a link, they should critique back.

It seems a bit thin. There's not much that I read to keep me interested in the song. I'm guessing that C stands for chorus, and if so, why are they so different? The chorus is there as a hook, a memorable line or set of lines that stand out from your song.

Also, I didn't see much of a message or story, as you said, it does get a little unclear. Alot of the time, infact.

I think, given time and more songwriting experience, you could come back to this one and improve it.

Sorry if I seem harsh. I'm just being honest.

If you could return the favour, follow the top link in my sig. thanks in advance.
Last edited by Jammydude44 at May 28, 2006,