#1
I've been working on a concept album based on my novela. plz tell me if the songs are good.

How do I keep going here?
How can I plod through the day?
In a river, a mainstream,
Opposing everything.

I?ve got the music to take me through this,
To speak my soul for me,
To take me soaring through realms,

I just keep on pedaling,
Pedaling until I can?t,
Trudging like a beast of burd?n.
Full of the cares of the world.

At least there?s an opposite,
For everything existing,
Joy for the sorrowing ones,
Vibrancy for the mundane,
Triumphant in every loss.

I?ve got the music to take me through this,
To speak my soul for me,
To take me soaring through realms,
That I?ve never been to before,
To swirling fantasy,
And kick-butt concerts,
Everything imaginable.


My world is going well?
It?s just plain old swell?
So well that I lose my mind,
It?s so systematic that my heart,
is screaming for a change.

I scream for change,
but don?t see it coming,
I scream for change,
But am blind to advent.

I?m pedaling along the same path,
So well traveled,
That I can follow in my sleep,
The road of clichés,
And an overused word.

I suddenly TRIP,
Out of nowhere I TRIP,
Abruptly I TRIP,
I trip out of monotony,
I skinned my knees,
I scraped my hands,
My body slammed the asphalt,
With a thud and a scrape,
I?m free from mediocrity.

TRIP!

I nearly tripped into a manhole,
An unexpected hole in the road,
An affliction that relieves me,
A hole to change my life.

I suddenly TRIP,
Out of nowhere I TRIP,
Abruptly I TRIP,
I trip out of monotony,
I skinned my knees,
I scraped my hands,
My body slammed the asphalt,
With a thud and a scrape,
I?m free from mediocrity.

TRIP!

It has a message,
A profound opportunity,
To leave the realm of suburbia,
Through my stumble comes relief.


I can?t see in this dark mist,
There?s no telling what?s to come,
I?m grasping the air,
Looking for something?

The portal to our world,
The portal to our world.

My voice echoes in the abyss,
Suddenly I see a message,
Gleaming with profoundness,
Leaving me to wonder?

The portal to our world,
The portal to our world.

No swirling opening,
No sci-fi machine,
Just a ladder,
from whence I came.

The portal to our world,
The portal to our world.

They don't have titles yet, and plz rate them out of 10, and tell me what I can do to improve them. I'm trying to make the transition from poet to lyricist.
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#2
ok, i'll give you a FULL critique ok.

just to warn you, title is still messed up. it has to be the title and ONLY the title, no crit plz or rate plz..

im sorry, that's just how it is.
The trouble with nude dancing is that not everything stops moving when the music does.

Last.fm
#3
Quote by Green_Fox
ok, i'll give you a FULL critique ok.

just to warn you, title is still messed up. it has to be the title and ONLY the title, no crit plz or rate plz..

im sorry, that's just how it is.


you are so freakin picky!!
#4
Quote by rockergurl09
you are so freakin picky!!



haha dont get mad at me, i didnt write the friggin rules

The trouble with nude dancing is that not everything stops moving when the music does.

Last.fm