Okay I rewrote a little and cut some stuff out because it kinda made a false representation of the situation. Thanks for the feed back guys I just started writing so every little bit helps.

-Verse 1
All it brings in pain again
the thougth of losing this
a love that I had found
with my head in the dirt
face first in the ground
I won't make another mistake again
I won't give you up for this
because you are mine to love
given from up above
-Verse 2
It's piercing my heart again
the pain of losing this
a love of the purest kind
of the most fruitfull joy
somehow that I did find
-Verse 3
You're in my arms again
man how I long for this
a love that's taken me
and changed me
into the man I want to be

I wrote this because I was struggling with some bad stuff until I meet this girl and fell in love with her. I finally relized that I had nothing to gain from my sin, but so much to lose. Comments and suggestions are much appreciated!
Last edited by CrusaderofTruth at May 27, 2006,
its starts out and you assume that ur "lost" and somone found you. and now u are moving forward. leaving the past to rest.

But it's a little too abstract. I don't understand what u are feeling. I can only assume that something hurt and now it's better? in trouble?

and try to hint at the mistake. O wait i get it the mistake is loving her. i just read ur comment. but I did'nt get that from only reading the lyrics.
e -------15^1-
b ----13-------
g -14----------
I didn't really like this one. Not because of the bad writing. It's just that this concept is way overdone. It seems to be somewhat incoherent as well. You have good ideas, but like in the first comment, I agree that this song probably is going to be only understood by you. This song took me to a lot of places, but home isn't one of them. Just organize and explain a little more and you are golden. Crit mine or bash mine if you would like. I have three in the forum to choose from.
I'm no real songwriter lol I dont really even know where to start but like idk at times it sorta seemd like what is happening lol and sometimes it sorta was like a what rhymes with this moment ya know what i'm talking bout? but yeah pretty good otherwise just, like the other guys said you'll pry be the only one to really understand what it means
The mistake isn't loving her its hurting her through my sin. And I'm telling myself I won't hurt her again and destroy the love we have. You guys are right, me and her are the only ones that will ever understand it, but I want it to be kinda abstract so people could relate their own struggle with it.