#1
started out as a "bellringer"( assignment at the begining of class(written on the board) that is supposed to get our brains "warmed up") but im thinking of turning it into a song...

its too hot
its too cold
nothings perfect
nothings gold

where did this go
where is it going
this has all fallen
why is it dieing

this has all gone to hell
its seems as though its staying there
is it too late to fix this?
should we even care?

its too hot
its too cold
nothings perfect
nothings gold

were too late to patch this up
we might as well give up

nothings perfect
nothings gold
anymore

CRIT FOR CRIT- you give me a full crit, ill give you a full crit,(ill match the amount of time you put into this crit)
Last edited by T.S.R. at May 27, 2006,
#2
It's a nice little ditty. Maybe you would need a bit more substance to make it a song. The verses do seem a bit simple- maybe leave it for a bit, come back and rewrite them when you are a bit more inspired.

I think you could make it a decent song though, given a bit more thought.

I'm not bothered if you don't crit back, I've had more than my share, but still, if your interested, my lyrics are in my sig, newest one at the top.