#1
I'm in year ten. There's been a lot on my mind right now.

Whether our next generation can support and keep the country going, whether fuel crisis is gonna affect us dramaticly, or we can find alternitives, and what's our life gonna be like after I leave school, just like the year 11's who are dealing with their GCSE's as we speak.

We can **** around, but it's gonna be our responsiblity to keep the world going. We got so much to clear up if we're going to continue.

And, then, you have the fear ofd losing your friends. A big one on your mind, yet so unimportant.

Werid ehh? I wrote this song.

It dawned on me as if these bullets could talk. Inedibility. If only the world could care. If only you could too. Breathe in. tonight?s that night we?ve been looking forward to for so long, but now I wish if only these limbs could escape time. Breathe in. tonight?s that night we?ve been looking forward to for so long, but now I wish if only these limbs could escape time.

It ends tonight; we begin scattering like seeds. It?s gonna be no longer. No further.
It ends tonight; we begin scattering like seeds. It?s gonna be no longer. No further.

Think of all the times you had. Others would die for. Now we?re careless. Today?s the start of the rest our lives. Today?s the start of our change. You live for this moment, just to wish you could take back all those things you said. Pull a smile for the cameras, you might as well enjoy the last night being satisfied.


You?ve been inherited, a world with endless possibilities, of faults. It?s gonna collapse. You can?t take a cruise ride. Fuels running out. You can?t get your food from the supermarket. No one can send it there. Try and support 60 billion on a single planet. The basis of your survival is running out. The basis of your survival is running out.


All crit, thanks in advance.
Last edited by Craigo at May 27, 2006,
#2
To take some of the pressure of of you, it isn't going to be your responsibility to carry the world to rights, the tossers in charge will no doubt be doing that. Try and enjoy your youth for what it is, one of the best gifts of all, not easy I know but it would be wasted if that was all you thought about.

As for your song. I thought it was great upto the last stanza where the wrongs of the world came in. The first 3 stanzas in there own right are well written and hold their own meanings. Personally I would drop all mentions of the subject and let your audience grasp their own ideas from this. If you did drop the last verse I think the end of the third would be a nice way to end, full of hope and all that

You are right in what you say, I am not denying that but like I say you wont be able to do too much about it bud.
Good work
All the best Craigo
#3
I agree with what everything Glenn James has said. Down to the last detail.

But seriously mate, I'm in the same year as you, going throught the same motions. But you just gotta forget all that, and enjoy and make the most of what you have at the moment. Treasure it, then move on. Good Luck.

I would appreciate it if you took a moment to look at my newest piece. "Tears as I Leave" can be found in my sig.
Last edited by Jammydude44 at May 28, 2006,