#1
The tide is subtle, the ocean calm.
And a current pulls in a diametric direction.
In the distance, the Sun twinkles and shines
While Fate follows her own contrary designs.

In the dark, the encroaching dawn seems impossible;
We are blinding in our brilliance,
We are confident with our age.
Sight is granted through a blue tinged haze.

The stars are quiet, the night is still.
Veiled by clouds, the dark belying the light within,
Then it is upon us, and we are illuminated, we are beautiful.
We are nothing.
This current has made us nothing.

The light is passing, the glory fades.
In the dying vestiges of peace,
The Sun is consumed, and I am defeat.
There is no place else to go
The theater is closed
#2
Seeing as no-ones given you anything yet... I didn't like the repeat of nothing. But that's my only major complaint. Loved the opening stanza. Good job.

If you could crit back- "Tears as I Leave" In my sig. Thanks.
Last edited by Jammydude44 at May 28, 2006,
#3
I hate writing based around a narrative of nature or elements or something, so I didn't like this.

But I liked the capital letters on Fate and Sun.
#4
I liked it, but I do see what the other dude is saying about the repeat of nothing. Try something different and see how you like it.
#5
While I don't see how the above comment relates to the writing, thank you all for your thoughts.
There is no place else to go
The theater is closed
#6
This is fairly interesting; a pretty original idea, I think. I just get the feeling the piece doesn't really go anywhere, although that's probably the whole point.
I don't think it's bad at all. It just seems hard to critique 'cause I'm sure you had a strong picture in your head, but overall it was OK.