#1
Verse 1
Failed a test and missed a lesson
Behind the rest and I'm second-guessing
Every step I took, every word I said
Can't think, the blood's rushing to my head

Chorus
This has been the worst week ever
Feels like it'll last forever
This has been the worst week ever
Turn it around, it's now or never

(tense hold for 1 measure w/ drum fill)

Verse 2
The weekend's finally here
It's clear my pain ends here
Unaccounted for, on my desk, a mere
Ton of homework, and a Language paper to prepare

I'm really not happy with the second verse, any constructive criticism would be much appreciated.
Thanks in advance.

EDIT: I'm thinking, after the 2nd chorus, to key change up a whole step and change the chorus words to
Now it's gonna be the best week ever
I can feel it, things are gonna get better
Now it's gonna be the best week ever
...aaaaand, I can't think of a 4th line.
Last edited by ygokazuki at May 27, 2006,
#2
childish..."ton of homework...language paper..."

if a pop punk 13 yr old version of blink 182/the offspring is what you were going for then its pretty good.

btw i dno if rhyming "here" with "here" is a good decision
ICE
CREAM
IS
GONNA
SAVE
THE
DAY
...AGAIN
#3
I think most punk music wouldnt base itself around schoolwork, but I liked it nonetheless. The rhyming was definatly better than I wouldve expected, and your choice of words worked well, rather than the normal cliche stuff.
#4
Wow, crits already! I barely wrote it!
@Room on Fire: Yeah, I'm going for a real immature sound - see me other stuff at my SoundClick.
@Mikal: Thanks for the feedback, I appreciate it.
#5
The rhymes were really cheazy and overused IMO...
Also, your second verse rhyme scheme doesn't quite fit with the first.
I'm not very active here on UG currently.
I'm a retired Supermod off to the greener pastures of the real world.
#6
I know, I'm not too happy with it myself...
Have any suggestions?
Man, feedback here is way quicker than over at Riffs and Recordings....
#7
Ok, here is how you end the 2nd verse:

Now it's gonna be the best week ever
I can feel it, things are gonna get better
Now it's gonna be the best week ever
I'm gonna chop that chick next store up into pieces & bury her in the crawl space
#10
No, see, that wouldn't work...you can conclude from the song that I'm hella nerdy and would never get a girlfriend in the first place.
I can't go emo about it, since I'm too damn oblivious! Sweet, sweet ignorance.
#11
well if your hella nerdy you could talk about how you could afford that new pocket protector something like...

Now it's gonna be the best week ever
I can feel it, things are gonna get better
Now it's gonna be the best week ever
I can almost feel that pocket protector!

I know cheezy...but I couldn't think of anything else
#13
Ok, ok, here ya go:

Now it's gonna be the best week ever
I can feel it, things are gonna get better
Now it's gonna be the best week ever
My favorite cheese is cheddar
#14
Cool, I think I'll use that. Seriously though, I like random style, and it's true. Sharp is my favorite.