#1
I need to be on my own
A little time alone
I just need some rest
To think about what?s best
I hope u know it?s true
That I still love u
But I need to be alone
Spend some time on my own

You and me where like bliss
I didn?t want it to end like this
I can?t believe I broke your heart
And let it fall apart
But I hope u know its true that I still have feelings for u

I need to be on my own
A little time alone
I just need some rest
To think about what?s best
I hope u know its true
That I still love u
But I need to be alone
Spend some time on my own

Now I don?t think we will ever be again
But still want to be your friend
I want to hang around with you
And do all the things you do.
Don?t let this be the end
Lets just be friends.
#2
so you f u c k ed up too? lol i like the words, its just a lil repeditive
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#3
lol yea really screwed up i guess, as for teh repition i guess its just there to fill up the song, still waiting for more verses to come to me so i can change it around abit. so yea any ideas or stuff could help. Thanks for the post cincyreds
#4
I think the rhymings here really simple and repetitive. Becuase of trying to force the couplets to rhyme, some of the flow is lost.

I hope u know it?s true
That I still love u

Is an example.

Perhaps change to something like "I hope you realise it's true, that I'm still in love with you". It's still using your basic rhyming, but it flows better than what seems like a pause in the middle of the verse.

Last line of the second stanza is supposed to be two lines, yes?

The last stanza isn't great,IMO. I suggest that it needs a decent rewrite, becuase there is no flow, and the rhyming is terrible. I also think the repeat of "do" in one line needs revision.

6/10 from me. Hope you don't feel like it's too harsh. Good luck with this.

Be great if you could crit back. Follow the top link in my sig, "Tears as I Leave".
Last edited by Jammydude44 at May 28, 2006,