Not into punk, but this sounds pretty good. Nice song, and the recording quality is pretty good.
Originally Posted by sadistic_monkey
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Nice tone, very pop punkish, crunchy though.

Good riff too. I went into this expecting some 12 year old thing, but you actually have a really good voice for this, and the production was great. Maybe try and sing the chorus with more energy, but the verses are perfect.

Not into this stuff, but this was really good for it.

Only problem really is the singing on the chorus, maybe have to vocal takes, harmonies.

Lyrically though, i found this was awful, and the key change made no sense, lyrically, to me. But oh well, not my style, good job for what it is.

Quote by silentdud
your voice is chasing after the guitar which sounds pretty good.
Could you clarify that? The voice is good, or the guitar is good?
How should I improve the chorus?
I dont know what you're talking about, the tone and quality is great. Riffs are upbeat, very tight with the rhythm section, great.

Turn up the guitars, and turn the vocals down a bit. Vocals are decent, but it seems like you're having a tough time projecting your voice a little. Dont be afraid to really belt it out, dude, you have the right voice for this music.

Lyrically, very Blink 182-esque, which can either be a good or bad thing, depending on your intentions. I think it all works very well.

That last chorus, I think it should come after some type of interlude or breakdown, it's kind of an awkward change of mood in the song. "My favorite cheese is cheddar", lol
What up, dawg? "My favourite cheese is chedder"?

Yeah, good song: baritone vocals in pop-punk songs is where it's at. All I'd say is try to put a bit more power behind the vocals. You may have to change the key slightly so that you're singing a little higher (don't strain yourself, but find your vocal limit) in order to put more feeling behind it.
The chorus sounds like yoo are talking....try shouting it out a bit more and just turn the vocals down?
And my faveroute cheese is cheeder? Lol....Sounds like yoo was running out of idea's
But great guitar tone. Good speeed. Nice riff. And Good Vocals
Quote by KileManA7X
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Thanks for all the input. I re-recorded all the vocals, took out the last chorus, and added a little interlude section. I also messed around with tempo-synced delays "ever...ever...ever...ever," and "No! No! No! No!" Fun!
Aight im listening again lets see... drop the "Turn around its now or never" line it sounds rushed.

you need some gaps without singing mid way though the song... it just sounds out of place...

i really like the change you made.

crit for crit -- theres a fixed version of my song out.

^Actually, it's "Turn it around, it's now or never"...goes to show how really rushed it is.
Thanks for the crit, I'll look at yours.
nice job man good job on the vocals
i think everything is good except like what was said before put a little more space in between vocal lines
guitar sound is nice
bridge is well done
liking it
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sweet dude i like the riffs and the vocals are really good... like the vocals but try and not be monotonous try go like higher and lower but dang i envy your voice.... guitar is good and in time which is good like it a lot... and yea u got some nice cheesy lines there....
Last edited by f0rs@k3n21 at Jun 4, 2006,
pretty good man, definitely one of the better examples of pop-punk i've heard on these boards. things i'd change:
1) as mentioned before, try to put more energy in the vocals. singing a bit higher in your range can help this.
2) i'd add more variations to the music - say for example, change the 4th repeat of that intro lead line to a variation. stuff like that to add variety

i used to play pop punk but now i've been working on some different stuff - check these out