#1
Another sad story
has to be sung
Another tear
has to roll down
As the snowfalls
and the trees so bare
The howls of wind
come through
like whispers of despair

What if I brought her flowers?
or laughed at one more joke
What if I suprised her at work?
Should I have settled
for more than mediocrity

The quietness
is crowded with stares
Voices awaken
with whispers of prayers
The outcasts
peek out of their shadows
The lonely
chuckle and grin
Nearly forgetting
what got them there

I reach out
to greet my friends
touching nothing
but air

What if I brought her flowers?
or laughed at one more joke
What if I suprised her at work?
Should I have settled
for more than mediocrity

Outside the window
I recreate when we met
Inside my home
my walls are closing in
In my imagination
I'm forgiving
and in control
In real life
I'm loosing
I'm loosing it all
Even my creations
have lost interest
and hope.

What if I brought her flowers?
or laughed at one more joke
What if I suprised her at work?
Should I have settled
for more than mediocrity.
#2
I thought it was a pretty average piece. Nothing really stood out for me too much.

The outcasts
peek out of their shadows

Was a good two lines. Enjoyed them.
I thought that maybe the chorus needed to be a bit more memorable- try getting a hook or something in there.

6/10 from me. Apologies if I sound harsh.

If you could crit my piece "Tears as I Leave" in my sig, It'd be much appreciated.
#3
jammy dude's right about most of it. i'd agree with the other comment. think of something u find catchy but original.