#1
This is a really old song that I had forgotten about but heard while I was listening to some of my old recordings. I'm going to try to re-work it and re-record it so any constructive criticism would be great.


Hey there soft light sleeper
Dream a dream for me
Your eyes move beneath their lids
almost restlessly

You're curled up in the corner
Sleeping peacefully
My bedroom has never
been so serene


I wish you could hear
what I have to say
I love you more ane more
with every breath you let escape


But it's sometimes Minnesota
and sometimes Michigan
wherever you are
that's just where it is

I'm dreaming of you
dreaming of me
no matter where I go
Japan or Italy

I'm dreaming...


Well I've yet to see you
for weeks I have waited
Maybe I will wait four more

I would give anything
to be the one
waiting for you at your door

I'll take the highway east
and find my way to you
You finally found your peace
in the sky the color blue

Road construction signs
remind me of a time
when we were cool


But it's sometimes Minnesota
and sometimes Michigan
wherever you are
well that's where it is

I'm dreaming of you
dreaming of me
no matter where I go
Japan or Italy

I'm dreaming...
I'm dreaming...
I'm dreaming.
~~~saves_every_day~~~
Last edited by saves_every_day at May 29, 2006,
#2
I has little bit of a unique touch, but it's still like many other songs out there. It's gooe, don't get me wrong. It is just too common. Trie think of unique/odd/obscure ways to say the same thing.

Please critique, Treason In A Numismatic World
#3
I thought it was good, but it seems incomplete.
Maybe put in a third verse?
but other then that, I really liked the chorus.
please check my stuff out (sig) either one, but preferably the first one
#4
Good, but lacking a certain something, a spark, if you will. Some of the repition did begin to grate, dream/dreaming, sometimes, wherever/where. especially when it was in the same stanza it got tedious.

Would be appreciated if you could check out "Escapade" from my sig. Thanks.