#1
BURIED UNDER THE SAND

He was a protégé
Lost himself along the way
Folded under questioning
And the detours they bring
The monument surveyed the land
And it was buried under the sand
Now there?s nothing left
Save for this jest

We are promised nothing
This much is true
We crawl out of the womb
And into the tomb

Defeat begins
The birth of mannequins
Who forget wisdom
Of what is to come
Still the world turns
As the imperfect burns
Clip his wings and watch him fall
Cut off his legs and watch him crawl

We are promised nothing
This much is true
We crawl out of the womb
And into the tomb

Murdered before he was born
The covenant was never sworn
Cut himself on the shards of glass
Shattered from what has past
The dreams evaporate
Dragged by the hate
Ridicule the cowardice
Brought by their spite

We are promised nothing
This much is true
We crawl out of the womb
And into the tomb
#2
Sweet song dude. I really like the chorus stanza. The last couplet in the second verse is very good as well. As for improvement, keep tinkering with it a bit, but it doesnt need much work. Keep up the good work.
#3
He was a protégé
Lost himself along the way
Folded under questioning
And the detours they bring
The monument surveyed the land
And it was buried under the sand
Now there?s nothing left
Save for this jest

Nice. The flow is good, save for the last line, but that's just a minor hiccup. I really didn't even notice the rhyming until then. The imagery works, and I'm getting a sense of what this may be about. Good start.

We are promised nothing
This much is true
We crawl out of the womb
And into the tomb

Vague, but it works.

Defeat begins
The birth of mannequins
Who forget wisdom
Of what is to come
Still the world turns
As the imperfect burns
Clip his wings and watch him fall
Cut off his legs and watch him crawl

Good continuation. It gets a little uninspired near the end, but it moves the story along, so I can't fault you too much.

We are promised nothing
This much is true
We crawl out of the womb
And into the tomb

Murdered before he was born
The covenant was never sworn
Cut himself on the shards of glass
Shattered from what has past
The dreams evaporate
Dragged by the hate
Ridicule the cowardice
Brought by their spite

Meh. Now it gets boring. The story went almost exactly where I thought it would. Again, it works in a narrative context, but on content alone, it's lacking.

We are promised nothing
This much is true
We crawl out of the womb
And into the tomb

Solid overall, particularly the flow, but it's too predictable. It's like you coudn't find any better direction to steer this in, so you reluctantly went down the most obvious road. Not bad, just bland at times.
-Landon