#1
These lyrics are something I just wrote for myself last night. I was wondering what people thought.

I searched inside myself and you for hours
trying to find words to
describe my one emotion
in the end
complicated or simple
they all meant one thing
Jealousy

I want to erase
those lyrics
because they hit
to close to home

It's funny
when your writing
from the heart
you skip names
and stay satisfied
with he or she
him or her

Whats a matter?
Are you scared Jake?
Is it because
no one ever
survives
Did you know
from birth
we're counting down
till the end

Machines have no emotions
They just live on ours
When will it happen
Us relying on them
Taking away our brains and hearts
Replacing them with a synthetic disease
Have our predicted lives
become one of the machines?

Is anger an effect
or a cause
for what we don't want to show
How about depression
lust, anxiety,and paranoia?

Whats a matter?
Are you scared Jake?
Is it because
no one ever survives
Did you know
from birth
were counting down
till the end

Have you ever
walked through a cemetery?
seeing tombstones marked
with the same ages
as you and me
noticing the once gold incrusted words
are now covered with shruberry
and their names have become
middle names of relatives
recently born
I beg for that
not to be me
But destiny and desire
dont hold hands
anymore

Have you ever
been so scared
you cried
but didn't
have a vision
of what it was about?

Whats a matter?
Are you scared Jake?
Is it because
no one ever survives
Did you know
from birth
were counting down
till the end

Was today a wasted day?
Last edited by Save Your Soul at May 30, 2006,
#2
I searched the thesaurus for hours
trying to find words to
describe my one emotion
in the end
complicated or simple
they all meant one thing
Jealousy


um... i don't know about the thesaurus thing. It sort of doesn't flow. <shrug>

I want to erase
those lyrics
because they hit
to close to home


huh? is this a comment on your song, within the song? again, doesn't flow. but makes sense.

It's funny
when your writing
from the heart
you skip names
and stay satisfied
with he or she
him or her

YES. this i really like. good job. *you're

Whats a matter?
Are you scared Jake?
Did you know
from birth
were counting down
till the end

we're? i like this too.

I lost them all
Each lyric
because of a computer failure
Machines have no emotions
If so
those words would've
lasted my whole eternity


<shakes head> no, no, no. computer failure? no. the "machines have no emotions" is good though.

Is anger an effect
or a cause
for what we don't want to show
How about depression
lust, anxiety,and paranoia?


i like it.

Whats a matter?
Are you scared Jake?
Did you know
from birth
were counting down
till the end


Have you ever
walked through a cemetery?
seeing tombstones marked
with the same ages
as you and me
noticing the once gold incrusted words
are now covered with shruberry
and their names have become
middle names of relatives
recently born
I beg for that
not to be me


i like this. thoughtful, contemplative... whatever. i like it.

Have you ever
been so scared
you cried
but didn't
have a vision
of what it was about?


yeah, i have. i don't know how i feel about the wording here, but no suggestions either.

Whats a matter?
Are you scared Jake?
Did you know
from birth
were counting down
till the end


Was today a wasted day?

i like the ending.

all in all, i like this. don't take me too seriously, i don't write too much in the way of lyrics. but i do write poetry, which is pretty much lyrics without music. so i know what i like... and what i'd do. that's all i have to say.
#3
The concept is good maybe re work some the sections that the post above suggested. A couple of the phases I really like:

Is anger an effect
or a cause
for what we don't want to show
How about depression
lust, anxiety,and paranoia?

Keeping working on it. Couple more revisions it will be pretty sick.
"Alright. Who wants some? "
#4
I really like the idea and the underlining tones. I think it needs a bit of peotic licensing though, in the sense that some things don't flow that well. I really think it has a lot of potential though, keep working it!